Every time I come on here, I go "wow, it's been ages since I've been on here!!" Tonight is no different.



I read my last post, in June. I wasn't at the other end of my troubles. The doctors would have me nil by mouth which, of course, would reduce the amount leaking out of my stomach. I would go home and end up back in again when I started putting my stomach under any strain. It didn't take much. When water was pouring out of the drainage tube hole, then diet coke, then the blue dye they made me drink to test it, they finally glued the hole up.

But I'm still leaking. Just a little, but I'm back in for a day procedure in a couple of weeks. More glue.



I have lost 42kg now. the procedure has done it's job. I am eating less and losing weight.

My head hasn't caught up with the scales. I've started going clothes shopping. My body apparently is a size 20 now. My head still thinks my body is a size 24. I still have to stop myself from thinking "I can't get that, what if I gain weight and can't wear it? I have to remind myself to get a smaller size if I want to put it away for a while, not a bigger one. It's such a weird feeling.



Even wearing the clothes that I have bought feels weird. I have been wearing my size 24-26 clothes even now, so to wear that size 20, I think "is it too small" and have the feelings that I had when I would wear clothes that I had grown out of because I'd put on weight, but had to wear cos nothing else fit. I guess I fear I am going too small too quickly with my clothes. But I can't get a bigger size, cos it wont last.

I have never really felt comfortable in clothes, never know what looks good. But I can't be naked, cos I'd get arrested. Not to mention making people around me feel physically ill.



So much fodder for my next counselling session!!!



Til next time,

Ness.

Blog number 1

Someone a while ago suggested I leave the safety of my little blog in the weight loss site I practically live in and go out into the big world to blog there. I wasn't ready. I liked where I was blogging and didn't think I should be scared out of there by nasty people who thought their opinions were above everyone else's.

It really wasn't that bad. Maybe I was just being paranoid?

I am discovering more and more that other people I know are blogging in the big wide world and now I'm thinking that maybe it would be ok to venture out and give it a go.

So here we go!

My name is Vanessa, I am a full time stay at home Mum with 2 gorgeous daughters, 3yo and 2yo. I also have a stepdaughter with developmental delay and Autistic tendencies. The three of them keep me busy. We live in Melbourne, Australia.

I have a lovely husband who, while sometimes drives me absolutely mad, is really very sweet and does his best, even if sometimes he doesn't know what that is supposed to be (It changes depending on my mood!)


So, I am 33, I have been on a weightloss journey for 13 months exactly today. I started on November 18 last year at 150.3kg. I decided that I needed to be here for my girls. I didn't want 3yo to go to school and be embarrassed by her fat mother. I have lost 22.5kg, but that progress has pretty much stagnated since June. I must admit, I haven't exactly been doing too much consistent work to reach any more goals. I have maintained this weight for 6 months, so the changes I have made so far are working. I just need to get moving again to get to the next level.

This is also an emotional journey. I believe that I am struggling at the moment with the internal battle that goes on in my head. For me to lose more weight, I will be getting into the teens. I was a bit scared of getting into the 20s, but the teens is even bigger. It means some serious work and a commitment I have never achieved in any weightloss attempt EVER!! It was quite easy to reach minigoal 5 of 124kg back in June. The changes I made, like no more butter(except for with vegemite, can't have vegemite without butter), lower fat cheese and for the most part, no more softdrink, have helped me achieve where I am. But the bad habits are sneaking back in. I am not thinking about what I am eating as much. I am not recording my food like I need to. It keeps me in perspective. I need to get my head straight if I'm going to get to the next level. No more resting on my laurels. It's terrific to lose 20kg, but I need to lose another 27.9 kilos to get to my goal weight.

I am exercising still. I am working out on Mondays, it looks like I am playing netball Tuesday morning next year. I do Body Pump Tuesday nights, Workout Wednesday morning, netball Thursday morning, running around setting up and packing up playgroup on Fridays. The weekends aren't as intense, but I do try to do something on a Sunday morning while the girls are at playgroup with their Dad.
Having said that, school holidays start on Friday, so I'll be rearranging all that for the next 2-3 weeks, no netball til February and a Christmas timetable at the Gyms until early January.

So that's me in a nutshell. Not all my blogs will be weightloss related. There is only so much I can talk about, especially if I'm not going too well.

Hopefully this blog is another change that will help me get to my goal of 99.9kg.

I'm warning, there could be a lot of waffling in these posts, but it's my blog and I'll waffle if I want to!! :-)

Ness