My Progress

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I just read Kylie's comment from my last entry. Thank you. I just never feel that way. I alway analyse what I say or do after the fact. Beat myself up. I try not to. I work on talking myself out of it, but when I get tired, it takes a lot to talk myself around. I've never been good enough, in my own eyes. I'm supposed to say the right thing all the time.

Last night I went and saw Twilight and New Moon, both for the first time. I read the series earlier this year and enjoyed them. I have a friend who is a middle of the road Twilight fanatic, has watched the DVD heaps. She invited me with a group of her friends to come and see New Moon at Midnight on the day of release!! How cool it was!! The cinema was packed. Everyone laughed and cheered and sighed when their man came on the screen. (For any non twilight fans, it's Edward the vampire or Jacob the Werewolf)
We had a really good night.

Done nothing today, it's too hot. Ken let me sleep in this morning, so my laziness has just spread through the day.

Maybe something more interesting will happen tomorrow.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I need some sleep. Mountains out of molehills again!!

I'm a mess. I just can't help myself. I go out for dinner with friends, then I come home and beat myself up because I don't say the right thing, or I don't keep my mouth shut enough.

Why can't I just be me? Why can't I just be happy with me? One of my friends is absolutely gorgeous. She's had 4 kids and is beautiful. I could only wish to be as beautiful as her. Yet, she comments that her thighs are too big and her belly is ruined from having twins. It's sad. I told her I'd swap in a heartbeat. Somehow she's not taking me up on it.

I guess we all have our issues. Mine are always social. I wasn't even going to go tonight. No clothes to wear, tired. Knew I'd stuff up somewhere. It's never end of the world stuff, but once I get really tired, like the end of the night, it's pretty close to it.

How's this, the waitress had to check whether I was a guy or a girl. Gee, way to make me feel good!! :( Admittedly I was behind someone else from her view, but still, sheesh!!

tired rantings now. It's bedtime.

Til next time,

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Wow, it did take me a long time to get back here. I'll have to work on that.

Well, I'm here now.

I was talking to a friend this morning. He's on a dating site. He was supposed to meet a girl for coffee yesterday, but stood her up. I started getting upset, I was thinking this poor woman put herself out there and took a chance and he didn't show up. I told him it was a crap thing to do.

I wouldn't answer his phone call because I just didn't want to listen to his excuses. It was almost as if he'd stood me up.

I went and had a shower to remove myself from the situation. While I was washing the walls ( a rare event, but hey, it's gotta be done sometime!!) I realised that I put myself in other's shoes a bit too much.

I get upset easily, I get passionate easily, whether it's about the latest people smuggling or the fact that the finale of All Saints sucked big time.

This challenge is going to be hard, but it's time for me to stop trying to change the world outside of me, but to change only what I can right now, the things that are in my control.

The housework, the kids (well, they're mostly in my control... sometimes!! :-) ) Eating, exercising. these are in my control.

Global warming, people smuggling, whether my friend turns up for coffee, not in my control.

It's going to take some time for this to sink in. I'm still going to get upset about crap at times, but I've got to start somewhere.

The first thing I'm going to do is allot a day of the week to each section of the house.

Sunday, My room and ensuite
Monday, Loungeroom
Tuesday, Girls' room
Wednesday Laundry and Kitchen
Thursday Bathroom and Toilet
Friday, Dining room

Now, I'm not saying that every other day of the week these rooms get ignored, but for that day, the focus is on that room. Even if it's for 30 minutes, it's 1/2 an hour more than it was getting and that's got to be an improvement.

Thanks to FLYlady, some things are sinking in. :-)

Til next time,