My Progress

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Saturday night rave!

Great! My internet is stuffed. I've just connected through my mobile phone because after 5 minutes I hadn't even gotten to the Facebook homepage! I did see that my phone company had confirmed that hackers had accessed personal details and they were threatening further chaos by preventing access to the internet. It's a protest over something, I can't remember what. So I'll just leave it for tonight and have a look tomorrow. My phone got straight in, so I'll just do that for tonight.

My focus on food and water lasted about 3 days and then I just started eating whatever I could put my hands on. My weight has stayed put, so it's small mercies that it hasn't crept up. I'm fighting a mental battle over exercise. I just don't want to do it. I don't know why, I am using the excuse it's too cold, but there is some mental barrier to me JFDI!

Might work on what's stopping me.

til next time,

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Tuesday report. I need to get a life!!

Nothing like being a million years behind on nutritional fads. I had my first scrambled egg whites today. I couldn't get over how much I had, yet it was only 71 calories! It was the equivalent of about 2 whole eggs, which I had the previous day, and they were 165 calories.
Whenever I heard "egg white omelette", I was always put off. I aways thought of it as a whole food, clean eating  "my body is a temple" kind of thing and that was never me, cos I love chocolate too much. Maybe it was my inner child throwing a tanty because she wasn't getting yolks? Or the whole rebel thing because in the 80s eggs were evil, the yolks caused heart attacks? Maybe my Scottish blood coming through and I didn't want to waste the yolks? Maybe too much time analysing the merits of eggs and not enough just eating the damn things.

Anyway, they were yummy. I was able to put a bit of cheese spread on my piece of toast and not feel guilty. A bit of tomato and onion through it would have topped it off nicely!

I weighed myself this morning. I've lost 1.2kg, since I restarted. I know this is all fluid, but it's lovely to feel at least a little safely away from 90kg.

Calories up a bit. 2241. Silly me bought some chocolate from a friend. There's 450 calories I didn't need, but am so weak when it comes to the demon sweet. This is why I don't keep it in the house.

And with all that, I managed to drink 6 glasses of water today! Yay! I've cut my coffee down to only one or two a day now, so  I have more room for water. :-) At least that's the theory. :-)

So it was a mixed day today.

Til next time,

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Just a little report on my day foodwise.

Calories today were 2152. Another drop from yesterday of a whole 47 calories. :-)

However, today I focused on getting lots of protein in. I exceeded the level of protein recommended for me. I also felt a lot fuller today. I wasn't feeling the emptiness as often. I'll keep tweaking. I made a batch of lemon butter tonight (not for me, don't like the stuff)  that needed just yolks, so I'll be having an egg white scram for breakfast tomorrow.
The planning did help too. Often I'll look at what I've planned and say "I don't want that", but today I really enjoyed my menu. Scrambled eggs for breakfast, chicken and salad wrap for lunch and lambs fry and bacon for dinner. If I just hadn't made a silverside and cheese sandwich at 11pm, I wouldn't have blown my calories so far out. (Apparently the lettuce made it healthy!)  Oh well. Tomorrow is another day.

I need to go and drink another glass of water. I may not be moving forward with drinking water, but I'm sure as shit not going backwards, at least not today. 3 glasses again today.

Scintillating entry, but needed to get it down to keep me a little accountable for my food.

Til next time,

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Day 2, again...

I've tracked my calories over the last two days. Yesterday was 2704. According to Calorie King I'm supposed to be on 1450. So that's nearly double. When I was at my highest weight, I could put away 4000 calories no problem! A KFC meal for me would have been my current calorie requirements! Nothing to be proud of, just remembering where I was. Last time I was on Calorie King, my calories were supposed to be 2000.

But anyway, I have been making an effort to increase my fruit and veggies. Yesterday and today I've had a banana and an orange. More fruit than I've eaten for a while. Tonight we had a chicken wrap for tea. My main problem is having too much of a good thing. I'm not stopping when I should. I felt very full after dinner, but these days that feeling doesn't last too long. That annoys me. When I had my sleeve it was a lot easier to stop.
I'm still snacking in the evenings. Today's calories were 2199. An improvement on yesterday. And I've managed 3 glasses of water again. Two whole days of consistency. :-)

The main thing is the head hunger. I'm not supposed to feel hunger anymore. The ghrelin hormone has been removed from my stomach, but I feel empty and want to eat.

Protein is meant to be my focus. Maybe an egg on toast instead of cereal for breakfast tomorrow.

I do have a question, though. If my bypass is designed to reduce the calories I absorb, how many calories am I supposed to have? Maybe 1450 is going to be too low as I'm not absorbing them all. I'll aim to reduce down to this for now, but if I'm trying to gnaw my own arm off from "hunger", or I'm feeling weak, grumpy or even dizzy, I'll increase it. Guess I've got to get to it first!

For one of the first times I have just planned my food for the day. Depressing! I've got 88 calories left without even including snacks! I'll have to tweak quantities and what I'm putting into my meals. I was shocked that 30g of flour has 107 calories! Almost as much as the 100g of lambs fry I'm  planning on having. Hmmm... don't think that 100g of lambs fry will get covered in that much flour! I need a bit more practice in counting my calories. I haven't done it for over 2 years. Who am I kidding, I haven't really done it for about 4 years! But right now I'm doing it. I've got to start somewhere!

Til next time,

Saturday, July 7, 2012


Feeling a lot more positive today. I need to make changes, cos I'm not eating as well as I should. I have gained weight. This should not be happening and I have to take responsibility for my diet and not rely on my body to deal with it all. I also have a real fear of going back to the surgeon with a gain for him to record. I already had a small gain last time and I have to reverse that so I don't undo my good work.
I know that sounds silly, but when I had the sleeve, I physically could not eat much. I didn't feel hunger and I couldn't emotionally eat because it didn't fit! Now I can eat more than I could before. Twice as much, it seems. I'm not back to where I was, but I don't get the pain of fullness anymore. If I eat too much, I feel sick. Apparently this is not enough to pull me into line.
I haven't been drinking water, it's been coffee and tea all the time. I started today with a big glass of water. I'm sipping that at the moment. I've also snuck back into and started logging my food. This is probably the most important factor. I can eat a normal diet now. Unfortunately I haven't been taking advantage of that and eating healthy food. There was a risk of dumping syndrome with the bypass. It did happen a little earlier in the piece, but I'm not having a huge reaction to chocolate or junk food. Not good.

This is why I wanted a sleeve, to be able to physically stop myself eating! My body has forsaken me!

Exercise is to come. For now I need to get this water into me.

til next time,

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Psychobabble Qu'est que ce...

Every time I get on here I think "wow, it's been ages since I posted". I had big plans to post every day. But then life gets in the way. A mundane life that doesn't feel worthy of being posted about. Get up, get the kids to school, get on the computer to play whatever time wasting game takes my fancy that day. Go to the odd appointment. Help out at the school with fundraising, spelling in a grade 2 class and canteen duty. That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Even with life getting in the way, I have so looked forward to the school holidays. I have been tired, run down and depressed for the last month or so. Another reason for not posting. I wanted my blog to be an inspirational journey of someone who was changing their life, losing half their bodyweight and becoming a new person. Turns out I'm the same person, just with 65kg less fat on me. Real inspirational.

I have started seeing a psychologist. I had my second session today. He's told me to work on expressing my feelings. Apparently it's ok to say my Mum did a shit job of raising me. I survived, but it was despite her, not because of her. My life could have gone such a different way if I didn't have the strength inside me to keep going, cos she sure as shit didn't help me along.

Even reading that back, I want to delete it. How can I write that about my mother? It was funny, he was talking about the two areas in parenting, discipline and nurturing, and that she had failed me on both counts. My first reaction inside was "you can't say that about my mother!" But I spent so much time trying to look after her and protect her, I never saw that she was supposed to be looking after me! No wonder I'm fucked up!! 

Now, it's all very Freudian to blame my mother for everything that is wrong with my life. I walked away from the first session feeling like "not this old topic again". But having had time to think about it all, I've never dealt with my childhood, never processed it or been able to make peace with it. The thing that got me to making that first appointment is the fact that I have a pattern. I do so much that I get run down. I ignore the tiredness and keep going. I then find something totally unrelated to why I'm so tired and blow up at the person involved in that. A couple of days of adrenalin to stew over it, then into depression, realising I shouldn't have blown and that I'm a horrible person and questioning every conversation that I've had with anybody ever to show how I always say the wrong things, do the wrong things and that I shouldn't be doing anything that involves interacting with other people. 
This pattern has been going on for most of my life. I remember as a 12 year old calling a friend's dad "Hitler".  I never liked him, I think I projected my Dad onto him. Easier to be angry with someone who is there than someone who isn't.  See, unrelated person to lash out at! I was banned from his house, funnily enough!
I think 25 years is long enough, Time to break the patterns.

Til Next time,

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Things are going along alright. I had to go back to hospital at the start of May. I developed an infection and needed IV antibiotics to get better. It was a 5 day stay that time, so in terms of my stays it was a short one. 

I'm still on antibiotic tablets, as well as stomach acid reducers, magnesium and potassium.

I get tired later in the day. Today I was back in bed at 11:30am after getting the girls off to school and watching The Circle. Mind you, it's been a busy few days. The school had their Bunnings BBQ on Sunday, then I spent Monday and Tuesday mornings at the school. I just needed a day off today. 

I'm trying to get food under control. Again. Getting so tired, I just can't be bothered cooking. I've found it better to cook when I have the energy and freeze extra meals. Like tonight. After having my  afternoon nap, I was up to cooking. I made a cottage pie and some butternut macaroni and cheese. It's so yum. I got it from escape from obesity's blog. I've made it a few times.  

When I freeze these meals, I have decided to stuff what the kids eat, they are fussy buggers. They can have something else and I can enjoy my favourites. 

I have such a problem with my youngest one's eating. She has such a limited menu to choose from. It's easier to list what she will eat than what she wont. She's 5 years old now and there is no sign of her attitude to trying new things improving. She'd rather just go without than try anything different. I put a post up on Facebook asking for a local tried and approved of paediatrician and was given some terrific advice on how to get her to eat. All of which I had already tried. Get her to help cook, let her pick what to have, buy some kids recipe books, send her to bed without dinner if she refuses to eat "that will fix her in a couple of months". Done them all. She has said on a couple of occasions that if she tries something new, she'll throw up. It happened once before. Nothing serious, but enough to affect her. I'm surprised nobody suggested giving her a multivitamin! That would be funny, trying to get her to swallow that! 
But on a positive note, I've got the number of a local Paed who's helped my great nephew. We wont be seeing him until the 29th of June, but I think we can survive until then. Just.

Til next time,

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I got home yesterday at around lunchtime. Finally free! It felt good to be out of there.
I'm still sore and moving very slowly, but I'm getting there slowly.

I had some wonderful friends come over and help clean up my house today. Ken's back is too bad to handle anything strenuous at the moment. I think it's had enough of being a single Dad. :-) So I put a post on Facebook and asked for some help. I know my family, if they see the post, will be annoyed they weren't asked, but I've got weeks of recovery to go and will need them too as time goes on.

It was hard to write that post. I'm not one to ask for a lot of help. But I am getting better. Once I had kids I realised I couldn't do it all on my own. I tried not to compare myself to the woman around me who thought they could.  I thought I must be a horrible mother for asking people to help me with the girls. They never did, barely even their husbands got a look in.  Then I started seeing how much they missed out on because they couldn't bare to let someone else in. And their kids had separation anxiety at kinder and school because they weren't used to being with anyone else. I realised it was a win for my children to be able to spend time with others. I have some "me" time and can get what I need to done.
I guess the main thing that slowed me down was the fact that I was letting people in to see how bad my house was!! That's more scary than anything!

I weighed myself this morning. Thought I'd see what's been happening since I went into hospital. Obviously the first number I look at is the second one, because the first noticed the "7". Shit! How did I gain 5 kilos??
Oh, the first number has changed! I'm down to 87.6kg! Holy Fuck!! I know nil by mouth aids weightloss, but the hospital scales said I'd only lost 2kg. I've lost 6.4kg since I went into surgery. That's pretty cool, I guess. I think I'm at a weight I've haven't seen since high school. That's not saying a lot, I've never been a petite girl.

I must admit, I was expecting to only be able to eat small amounts after surgery, but it doesn't seem to be any different to before surgery. Although, I'm still on liquids, we'll see what happens when I get onto mushies. Oh, how I'd love some scrambled eggs!!

Til Next Time,

Sunday, April 8, 2012

the dreams I've had so far while on medication in hospital.

Went on some obscure Adam Hills game show, it had frank woodley on it as well as some other acts I didn't know. I got on the stage as the opening song was starting. Everyone kept moving around onto each other's teams, very mad hatter style., my makeup wasn't even done properly and I kept turning the wrong way. Possibly the worst filming ever It was a store in between takes at an airport

Was on Desperate housewives, but it was real! :-)

At Wimbledon making a doubles partnership a sandwich with some special dressing they really liked. Had to tell the other players off to stop them eating it. This was after the umpire had told them off for complaining about not getting any more of it.

our house became a farm after our cow died and then had a wooden face, which we kept. then it became a zoo. The donkey and the dog kept escaping. We had a parade where we were given a new cow. and then had a party afterwards.

These are the ones I remember. I'll write more down as I remember them.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Onto day 3. Getting easier to move, but still sore. My throat is caning from the naso gastric tube. They gave me lignocaine, it did stuff all. The only thing that is really helping it is ice. 
I am not up to drinking anything yet. That may happen today, not sure. 
I'm basically zombified from ketamine and morphine. I basically can't do anything! Oh well, sleep and listen to podcasts is all I'm doing at the moment. 

And falling asleep while blogging...

Til next time,

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I'm in hospital. Surgery is done. I am sore and groggy and tired. I have tubes coming out everywhere. I am going to make this a short post, as I am dozing off at the drop of a hat and I don't want to waste power on my laptop. There is a shortage of powerpoints in my room. I also can't move around much, so I can't look for them yet.

I've made it through. Everyone seems happy with my progress. I'm just waiting til Friday, that's when I can start drinking. That will be interesting.

Just exhausted, so I'll leave it here. There would be other far more interesting blogs to read right now.

Til next time

Monday, April 2, 2012

Tomorrow is my Gastric Bypass surgery. I am nervous, scared, glad to be getting it done, but also dreading what will happen afterwards. I am scared there will be more complications and I'll be stuck in there for longer AGAIN! But something has to finally go my way. It's been against me for long enough.
I don't regret having it done, but if I had have known the complications would go on for so long, I might have tried the band first. Hindsight is wonderful, isn't it?

I will have a computer in hospital, so I'll be able to post on here and Facebook. Hopefully it will save my sanity.

Til next time,

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Pissed off!

I'm going to rant. I've had a day and I'm feeling so powerless and angry. It could just be silly, but right now it upsets me, so I need an outlet

We went to a school fete today. It started out awesome. They have fantastic stalls and each year we buy a ride pass for my kids and my friends' kids so they can have unlimited rides. This year I let the kids go and made a single point for them to come back to so they knew where to find me. I was a little stressed about this, because it was the first time I'd let them go on their own, but they did really well and I wandered around and often found where they had lined up for rides. It gave me a chance to go to stalls they didn't want to look at. I bought some plants, some chutney and lemon butter and had a good wander around the white elephant stall.

My friend and I were sitting at the waiting point waiting for the kids to come back for some lunch. Unfortunately there are some older boys who brought a novelty item called a fart bomb to the fete. The school made the mistake of selling them last year and unfortunately the local milk bar sold them this year. I spent the whole time keeping an eye out to make sure they weren't set off near me. There was one particular boy who decided he wanted to get us. He'd done it to my friends last year and obviously remembered the friend I was with from last year and thought I was his wife. He threw one near us as he ran past. He spent the next 2 hours trying to get us again. My friend decided to go wait somewhere else, but not before we went and spoke to the school principal. He went to have a look, but said he couldn't do anything about the older boys who were there. I decided also to move away from the playground and told the kids to meet me at another point. The little shit followed me! I went to the rides my kids were waiting on. He followed me and threw one over my shoulder! I turned around and went back to the principal. But I had to go back to my kids.  He was there again. Every time I looked up, he was near, but not close enough to get a bomb in. He'd then walk off and try to find another vantage point. I finally couldn't put up with it any more. I decided to take the girls to see the petting zoo. I headed to the front of the school, stupidly thinking that would be the end of it. He followed me again. I turned and asked him what his problem was. "come here if you have a problem". He walked off. But by the time we got to the front of the school, I stopped to say hello to one of the mums I knew. The little shit followed me and ended up at the front of the school, near where the animals were. That was the final straw. I couldn't put my kids and I in a confined area where he would not hesitate to throw one of those stupid things in. I bought the girls a snow cone and decided to head to my friend's car. Guess what happened? Yep, the little shit followed me. My friend was parked between a football oval and tennis courts. We stood there for about 15 minutes and in that time he moved from the edge of the car park, to the other side of the tennis courts, then settled on the football oval. Was that over? No. We decided that I would take my girls home and Ken would take my niece and nephew home when they got back to the car when the rides finished in half an hour's time. My friend had other kids to take home.
As I started to drive around the football oval I saw him running across it. I didn't like the look of that, certainly didn't trust him. He might have been trying to get one more bomb onto my car. There was a building blocking his view, so I turned around and headed around the other way to get out. I saw Ken following him across the oval, so I knew he wouldn't cross back. I then saw my friend take off in his car. At this point I didn't want to know what was going to happen, I left it up to them.
The gutless little shit ran! Funnily enough, right past my car as I was about to turn out onto the street. I was good, I didn't hit him and at this stage, he was going too fast to throw anything at me.
Apparently Ken and my friend had a chat to the gutless one's friends. They didn't see a problem with what had gone on. Ken informed them it was stalking and could be arrested for it! Not to mention the fact that he was mighty pissed that someone was upsetting his wife! He's kinda protective like that.

It was a disappointing end to what started as a good day. I know a fart bomb isn't going to physically hurt me, but it was still stressful that we couldn't just sit and enjoy the day without the worry that these little shits were going to let these things off. Everyone who walked past was scrutinised, I was watching hands for bombs. We've decided that unless things change drastically next year, it will be the last time we go. We don't need the stress.

It's taken me a couple of hours to write this. I have calmed down a lot now, but I will still be writing a letter to the principal, the president of the fundraising committee AND the school council. I'm still angry enough for that, but I'll keep the police out of it.

Til next time,

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Same old, same old.
I rang the hospital yesterday and I'm still on track to go in for my surgery on the 3rd of April.

Otherwise, not much happening and still in limbo. Just want it over with.

Oooh, must go shopping and find clear fluids. the hospital diet leaves a lot to be desired! I don't eat soup much, but the dishwater they serve would even make a dog turn up it's nose!

This is how exciting my life is at the moment! Bring on our early Easter and my chocolate birthday hurrah! Lurve chocolate eggs. :-) And getting to eat them on my birthday is even better.

Til next time,

Friday, March 16, 2012

The friend who turned out not to be a friend isn't talking to me still. Well, if she has to in regards to anything to do with school she will, but otherwise I'm ignored. Meh, her loss. I guess she just wants people around her that are bigger than her, cos her new best friend definitely is!! Oooh, that's mean!! But it's my blog and I'll be mean if I want to.  ;-)

I have been given a tentative date for my surgery. 3rd of April. I'll get a confirmation letter in the next week. It's during school holidays and the Tuesday before Easter, So I'm going to pack in as much as I can with the girls before I go in, cos I'm going to be out of action for a good 6 weeks. Fingers crossed there's no complications and I'll be home by the 10th of April. 
I'm having Easter the weekend before. My last chocolate hurrah! I'm not missing out on Easter eggs and there's a good chance I wont be able to eat them afterwards! 

I missed my appointment at the TAFE. I was crook as on Tuesday and ended up sleeping the morning away. I only remembered Tuesday night. Oops. I'm busy with the the school fundraising committee at the moment, so that's keeping my mind off things. But I do have to get back into that course soon. Well, maybe. Do I really want to work in an office? I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I know I need something challenging, but if I have a meltdown (which happens sometimes) and I just want to crawl into bed and never get out, I know I'll blow it. I get bored so easily too. The longest I've stayed in a job is 2 1/2 years, and that's only because I was able to move departments every 6 months and do something different. 

Right now I'm in Limbo and feel like I can't do anything until I recover from my surgery. Just wish it would hurry up! But I guess it's my own fault. I could have done this 6 months ago at least and not mucked around with glue and stents. If only I knew 2 years ago what I know now! 

Til next time,

Sunday, March 4, 2012

It's been a pretty average week. I am still feeling a little lost. The girls are at school all day and I constantly feel like I should be doing something, but don't know what. I've got an appointment next week to go to Tafe and reenrol to finish my certificate in administration. I started doing it long before I had the girls, but decided it's time to do something! I'll finish this and see where to go from there. I know I need to do more courses and try and find something to do with my time that will bring some money into the house. And that I might actually enjoy and not get bored with in 6 months.

I have my appointment at the hospital on Wednesday. hopefully I'll get my surgery date that day, then that chapter can close and I can get on with my life.

I decided to track my calories today. It's amazing, even with a sleeve, I have been able to eat twice my daily calorie allowance of 1550. On a positive note, I've had the right amount of protein for the day.
I know I have to cut down what I eat. However there is a part of me that knows that once I have the bypass, I'm going to be restricted further in what I can eat, so why not have a mini food funeral for the chocolate I wont be able to have afterwards! I've said goodbye to so much. Anything with bread or batter, which is almost all junk food! Excess sugar is going to cause dumping syndrome, so I'll be eating healthy enough soon.

That's how exciting my life is at the moment. I really need to get a life! In a couple of months I'll be able to. *sigh*

Til next time,

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Time, time, time, see what has become of me...

It's been 3 days since I removed the games on my Facebook. it's been interesting. It's going to take some adjusting to. I have been feeling a little lost, like I have something to do but I can't think what. Gradually the real world will get back to normal, whatever that is, but there is a real feeling of loss at the moment.
I guess that's not just the game, but my "friend"ships too. We haven't spoken since Tuesday. There's a Facebook standoff. She wont remove me, cos she likes to see what people are up to. She's got a previous friend she likes to bitch about too... hmmm... maybe it was inevitable that I would be in that category. But I've hopefully blocked her from seeing my posts, and as she only posts about the games I've removed, I don't see anything of her. If, in time, things get worked out, I can restore it all. I don't know if I've burned all the bridges, but it's not looking like either of us is crossing them in a hurry. I've gotten the hint. Finally. And being off Facebook means more housework is getting done. Well, a little more housework is getting done. :-)

til next time,

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I thought I'd finished school?

I got home from hospital on the 27th of January. I haven't even looked at this blog since. I've been too busy playing games on Facebook and trying to avoid my life. My baby started school and I haven't really grabbed the opportunity to use the time I have to do anything productive. Tonight I once again removed all bar 3 games from my Facebook account. This isn't the first time I've done this. And probably not the last. But it's time, once again to get the hell off this damn timezapper!

I also think of my blog when things aren't going well. So the poor reader of this blog get to hear my incessant whining about how horrible my life is and how mean my so called "friends" are to me. Today is no exception. I'm just tired of being treated like an idiot. I know nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission, so I guess I gave them permission. I have been drifting away from a friend who today dropped hints to get rid of me so she could go to a friends place for coffee. I didn't want an invitation, it was the fact there were 3 people there and not one of them said "we need to go". I didn't know they were all going together, until they all left in the same car. I felt like an idiot. I swear I have aspergic tendencies.'s now the next day. I've been thinking about things and wondering why things changed. Have I changed? I feel like the same person I was. Physically I have changed. And it was commented by the main person who hurt me yesterday that she has to get back on the diet to keep up with me. I thought it was a joke, but maybe there is something more to it.
...Aaaand, now I'm overthinking every single thing that has ever been said to me!
My body has changed and I was warned my relationships with others may change because of that. I don't know if this is the cause of it. I just keep thinking "what did I do wrong?". That sometimes becomes a mantra. I really have to stop it. The problem I have is that I also overthink every single thing I've ever done or said to see how I got it wrong.

I need a shrink!!

I'm driving myself crazy!

I was hurt and I let them know. Now I have to decide how I'm going to handle it. They'll avoid me, so maybe just leave it that for a while.

... It's now Thursday afternoon. I decided to color my hair and I feel a wave of enthusiasm now. It's 4:30 and dinner is already cooking, I've started cleaning up my kitchen and I've caught up on the girls washing (7yo was out of undies this morning. I was not on top of things). It's amazing what a hair color can do.
Distraction has always been an effective tool for me.

It's now 10pm. I have a headache. Whether it's the hair dye or the fact that I haven't stopped thinking about what happened yesterday, I don't know. I really need to get some sleep.

So that's the latest mood swing for the last day or so. I really need to find a counsellor. I feel like a fruit loop!

Til next time,

Friday, January 6, 2012


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

quick update


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Was up at 6am this morning so I could have breakfast. I swear, it's the fastest hour of the day! I am now nil by mouth until I have my day surgery this afternoon. :-( I am having a second stent put in my stomach. I have one already, so I feel a little greedy getting another one, but they broke a string trying to get the first one out, so it's kinda necessary. The second one will help the first one come out. I have to stay in overnight, which sucks. I hate hospital beds. My girls were a little upset about me being gone, until their dad said they could sleep on my side of the bed tonight, so they're ok now. Gotta love them.

As I was up at this early hour, the dogs didn't feel the need to bark their heads off outside this morning, which was good for the neighbours, but no sleep in for me. I decided to choose breakfast over taking them for a walk this morning. As I am nil by mouth, I can't even drink while I walk. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! it's going to be 35 degrees today! I am already going to be thirsty by 11am without physical exertion!

So, busy day. Hopefully the aircon is working well in the hospital, or I'll be discharging myself early!

Til next time,

Monday, January 2, 2012

Barking Dogs. Pity debarking is so inhumane!

I have two gorgeous dogs (and two gorgeous girls, but that's a side issue for this entry).
 I love them to bits. But I have a problem. They love to bark. Early in the morning. Today it was at 8:50am, which is better than the 5am and 6am sessions they've been doing, but enough that it pisses me off and has to get me out of bed to drag their furry arses back inside. Or should I say one particular furry arse. Raspberry is his name and he never barked until we got Penny, who taught him how. Oh boy! We got Raspberry from a pet shop, we got Penny from a family who was giving her away. Now we know why she was given away. She chewed anything she could get her paws on and barked. But we love them. Hence my problem. I now have to do SOMETHING to stop the barking. I can't smack their nose or squirt them with water, because by the time I get out of bed and come out, they hear me and come back inside and it's too late.
I'm thinking a citronella collar. Of course my vet is on holidays at the moment, so I can't get his advice. I don't want to go to a pet shop, because they'll just try and sell me something. The internet conflicts in it's advice and I just want the barking to stop in the morning. I can take the collar off them during the day. That's my theory for now. Something has to give. My neighbour actually called me this morning about it, which I appreciated more than her running to the council like she did last time.

...Ok, it's an hour and a half later. I got motivated and took them for a walk. They are suitably exhausted now, but I don't know if it's going to help tomorrow morning. It's going to be about 40 degrees today, so I might try and take them out later tonight when it cools down a bit. It will get me off my bum as well as exhaust them.

Lets see what happens tomorrow.

Til next time,

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!
I had an awesome night last night with friends at home. We had a few drinks, saw some illegal fireworks and cracked some glow sticks. Amazingly both my girls stayed up til midnight. 5yo was very cute, at 1 in the morning she didn't want to go to bed, claiming she wasn't tired! No, of course she wasn't! They were asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

So, being the 1st of January, I must have a look at my plans for 2012. Weightloss, of course is the first thing.
First some perspective.

I joined in September 2007. I was 150kg. I got serious about losing weight in November, I was 151kg. I loved the program and decided that if this didn't work, then I was looking at surgery. At that point it was a lapband
what can I say? There is nothing nice about this photo.

January 2008- 139.8 Motivation was high, doing well. Heard about the sleeve surgery from another CKer. Thought it was drastic.

Gotta love Hubbies who'll take such flattering photos!

January 2009- 130.7 Still down on previous year, but I had gotten to 123.5kg in June 2008, then hit a psychological barrier. so was feeling incredibly despondant and had lost motivation and seemed to sabotage myself severely. Had spent some time thinking about the sleeve surgery. Researched and talked online with people who had the surgery. Booked an appointment with a surgeon in December 2008

January 2010- 151kg. Plot was lost completely. I was still to gain another 3 kilos to reach my highest weight ever. Considering that my goal was to be at my goal weight by the time my now 6yo started school in Feb 2010, this was just a horrible time in my weightloss progress (or lack thereof). Had spent some time thinking about the sleeve surgery. Researched and talked online with people who had the surgery. Booked an appointment with a surgeon in December 2009

Back up again.

January 2011- 106.7. In April 2010 I completed 3 weeks of Optifast and then had my vertical sleeve gastrectomy at the start of May. I had complications of a leak and spent the next 2 and a half months in and out of hospital and being nil by mouth a lot of that time. a total loss over the year of 47.3kg.

January 2012- 97.8. Spent most of the year with a hole in my stomach, that doesn't seem to want to heal. Had a stent put in in December, hoping that it's solved the problem. Weightloss was incredibly slow for almost a year, only losing a couple of hundred grams a month. This time it was ok, because no matter how bad I felt, I couldn't physically sabotage my weightloss efforts. I will not go back to where I was. So I rode it out and then my body decided to give me a 7kg loss in the last couple of months of the year.

I still have exercise to help me reach my goal. I have 22.8kg to lose to reach it. I haven't done much exercise since my surgery. I did get back to netball until I had my stent put in and I did do some swimming in the brief time that my stomach was healed. I had about 2 months. So there is lots more to go. Hopefully when this stent comes out we'll have found that it's all good and I can get back to a real life, not this limbo.

So, my goals for this year. 

Lose the last 22.8kg and reach my ultimate goal weight. Then have some gorgeous "after" photos taken.

Get a job. My bank balance dictates it. I've loved being home with my girls and wouldn't change a thing, but they're both off to school this year :'-(  So it's time for me to find something for me. Scary when you've spent the last 8 years growing and raising children.

Clean my house...ummm should be a goal for each day, but I just get so overwhelmed at times, I just shut doors and try to avoid it. It's time for my house to be presentable. My girls want to have friends over and I need to have a home they are comfortable bringing people into. Once my boarder goes and I can move the girls around into their own rooms, it will be so much easier to get things in order.

I think that will do for now. I may think of other things, but that can be added to future blogs... Oh, another goal.

To blog everyday. It may be boring waffling, but it's my blog and I'll waffle if I want to.

So that's me all set for 2012. I was going to make a flip comment about the Mayan calendar, but the doomsayers say the world isn't going to end until December 21!! Gees, That's pretty much the whole year. Hope I have everything pretty much done by then!
Although I know someone who's birthday is that day. If the world ends before he gets any presents, he'll be really pissed off!

Til next time,