My Progress

Friday, December 24, 2010

The difference 12 months makes!!

I know there is a week until new years (Yeah, I know, I know, it's not even Christmas Day as I write this) but I need to look back now and see how far I have come.

I can't find ANY weigh ins from this time 12 months ago. I know that sometime in January this year I donated blood and weighed in at 154, so lets work from that.
I am now 106.9kg. That is a loss of 47.1kg. In one year. I KNOW that I wouldn't have achieved this without surgery. But even with all the complications and time in hospital, I am happy I went through with my gastric sleeve. Even when I hate it because I can't keep eating the yummiest food, I know I've done the right thing. It keeps me in check. It stops me sabotaging myself, or hurting myself with food as much.
I have dropped from a size 26-28 (stretchy 26s!! Denial!!) to a size 18. It took me a little while to realise that I was really an 18. I've even thrown out some size 22s cos they are too big. My self image is slowly catching up to my body. Even though I haven't lost much weight since September, (3 kilos compared to the 40 odd I had lost in the 4 months previous), the sizes are getting smaller. Some of this could be the muscle/fat balance changing me so that I'm getting smaller, but the scales aren't showing it. It could also be the fact that my stomach has stretched enough that I can eat a small meal, rather than the few teaspoons that I was eating at the start, so my calories in are matching my calories out, so the scales aren't showing it.
It's also me getting more comfortable with the smaller sizes. I didn't buy myself a scrap of new clothing until the shopping spree in September, so it's been 3 months of comfortably getting those numbers down. I'm wearing clothes that fit. I'm even getting compliments, so my taste isn't quite in my bum!! :-)

I am feeling more energetic, able to move freer, can cross my legs, comfortably do up my shoelaces, have both girls on my knees without struggling. My stomach no longer touches the steering wheel when I drive and I don't have to move the seat back if Ken's been driving my car.
I also feel almost "normal". I don't feel like a freak, the fattest person in the room. Not that I look for who is, but when I was in the 150s, I felt like I was being judged. I was probably judging myself really, but now that feeling is slowly disappearing.

I'm not going to do new years resolutions. I am going to enjoy the school holidays and when the girls go back to school, then I am going to get in the swing of losing the last 7 kilos so I can be in double figures. Then it's onto the 80s, then the 70s, coming to 75kg so I can have my victory photo shoot done!! :-)

Bring on 2011!!!

Til Next Time,

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Hehehe, just read my last post back. I made the cookies, they were crap!! Don't know what I did wrong, I've made the recipe before, but they went in the bin. The second batch I made was a different recipe, but the kids didn't like them! Ken and I loved them!! Oh well, can't please everyone, I guess. two nights of baking cookies in the middle of the night and that's all the thanks that I get!! :-)

Anyway, the last week of school is over and it was incredibly busy. I've just come home from my stepdaughter's 21st, the last event before Boxing day when I meet up with the extended family. I feel like I can relax now. I am so looking forward to spending the day at home tomorrow, not having to worry about anything! Hoping the girls will sleep in too.

The 21st was brilliant! We were on a property not far from us. We had hayrides, toasted marshmallows, sang karaoke. There was plenty of food, the kids could run around. It was very relaxed, just excellent.

But now I'm very tired. Hopefully now things are settling down, I might be able to think of more interesting things to write about in my blog. :-) Maybe even look at weightloss?? Maybe... :-)

Til next time,

Monday, December 13, 2010

Just touching base with my blog. Very busy at the moment. Lots of Christmassy things to do, like wrapping presents, writing my kids' christmas cards, going out for lunch. I am exhausted!! But that seems to happen at 8pm. I'll get my second wind soon and be up til midnight. I have to find the energy tonight to make chocolate chip cookies for 5yo's class Christmas party on Wednesday.

Only 4 more days of prep left. :-( I'm happy that it's going to be school holidays, but a bit sad that her first year of  school is almost over.

Off to put the kids to bed and make cookies.

Til next time,

Sunday, December 5, 2010

So, I wrote the email to the school principal. 5yo stayed home on Wednesday. We ended  up at the school, cos I had Bunnings BBQ stuff to do. The principal brought us into the office and had a chat with her. It turns out there were ANOTHER 2 kids who were giving her a hard time. The girl that punched her got in "big trouble". I felt much better, glad I gave her the day off and felt that the issues had been dealt with. I also took her for a hair cut. One of the issues we were having in the mornings was that she didn't like getting the knots out of her hair. She would cry, and it was one of the reasons she gave for not wanting to go to school. She now has a nice bob cut and has no trouble brushing it. So Thursday and Friday were so much easier!! She was a much happier child.

Thursday was spent looking at kitchen stuff. We will be getting a new kitchen in January. I just have to decide what brand of appliances I want in there.

Friday, Playgroup, canteen duty, grocery shopping for Bunnings BBQ, Pick up daughter from school, pick up sliced onions from pizza shop. take niece to Basketball game, come home, fall asleep!

Yesterday I spent the day at Bunnings Cranbourne, cooking and selling sausages. Last night I could barely walk! But we raised $1286 for the school, so I was happy with that.

This morning I weighed in. I lost 2.7kg! After hovering around 109 for 2 months, I am just gobsmacked!!  But I'm not going to do a bbq each week to help lose weight!!!

Today is more appliance shopping.  I'll decide today, after going to a couple more places to have a look.

Only 13 more days til school holidays!! Yay!! Only 20 more sleeps til Christmas!! Must find my list...

Til next time,

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wow, this is post one hundred!! Cue the fanfare, balloons and streamers!!!

... Ok, maybe not!!

Today was just "a day in the life". I took 4yo swimming this morning. Then went bowling (to prebowl for next week), then 4yo had 4yo kinder orientation. Then it was time to pick 5yo up from school and take her to swimming.

Nothing weightloss related happened, unless you count 15 minutes of breastroke across the kids pool as exercise.

Everyone is tired. The whole family. Poor 5yo is having mean things said to her at school. yesterday she informs me that one of her friends told her that Santa and the tooth fairy don't exist. Today she's been called fat by two different girls and was punched in the stomach by one of them. And these girls are supposed to be her friends! And she fell over and hurt her eye. I want to go and slap these girls, but of course, I wont. I'll be writing a letter to the principal and asking him to forward it on to her teacher.
And if she informs me that she doesn't want to go to school in the morning, I'm not going to fight her. Who knows what she'll come home with tomorrow? I held a sad, tired girl in my arms tonight, and it breaks my heart.  I can see myself in her. I loved the classroom, but hated playtime. I don't want that for her. She's a beautiful girl, with a good heart. She doesn't deserve this.

Til next time,

Monday, November 29, 2010

Monday, where did that go??

Ok, so my logic for changing my weigh in day has gone right out the window!! This week there was no change on Sunday and a 500g loss on Monday!! I give up trying to work it out!!

I had to take Ken to the hospital last night. He was in pain and it felt different to normal to him, so we sat in the waiting room for over 4 hours. We fell asleep in there. I woke up and Ken said "this is crazy, lets go home. They had given him some panadeine forte and it seemed to help him a little. He wasn't pacing, unable to sit down anymore. He hadn't seen a doctor, but he seemed to be coping with it better. So I went to the desk to let them know we were going. All of a sudden I went dizzy and fainted!! They scooped me up onto a bed and took me inside. Amazing where beds can come from when you need them, hey?? My blood pressure was 92/50. It came up again, I rested for an hour or so. They took my pressure again when I stood up and it wasn't very good. Ken had to drive home!! What a pair we make!! 3:30 this morning we got home.

So today I haven't done much more than sleep and rest. I didn't even get dressed! Jammie day. I'll try and make a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I don't know if I fainted because I hadn't drunk enough yesterday, or if my weightloss has something to do with it. Maybe my obesity kept my blood pressure normal??  My mum has low blood pressure, so it's something to investigate.

Saw Harry Potter on Sunday. Gees, it was loud. And I jumped, lots!! :-) I enjoyed it, except for the volume. And the hand held camera work at times, it hurt my eyes. but the story was good. Or is that cos it's been so long since I read it I can't compare the book and the movie? :-)
Oh, and Katt- it stayed to the book, the kiss isn't real. :-)

Til Next Time,

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Ahhh, Thursdays. The one day I have nothing to do until I pick 5yo up from school.
I was exhausted yesterday. I succeeded in having a huge blue with Hubby and then ignoring him, and I was in bed by 8:30. It would have been earlier, but I really wanted to watch "Good News Week" that I'd taped on Monday night.

I feel like I haven't stopped for the last couple of weeks and, while I want to stop, there is no sign of things slowing down before Christmas. Then in the new year, I am ripping out my kitchen so we can get a new one put in. It's only taken us 10 years to do this!!

But anyway, I've been busy, I'm tired, grumpy, still sore.

But for once it's because I'm doing things. On Tuesday I went to the pool twice. 4yo had her lesson in the morning, so I went and did laps, all 400m of them. :-) Then in the afternoon 5yo had her lesson, so we went in again and had a play. The girls slept well that night. I didn't hear boo out of them.
But I was bloody cold! Now, our local pool is "environmentally friendly" (read:- tight arses on the heating bill) and you have to brace yourself to get in there. I think this sucks for an indoor pool. They also had a door open that blew a cool breeze over the pool. I know my internal thermostat is pretty screwed at the moment, but after 45 minutes, I just couldn't stay in there anymore. I love the water, so I was disappointed that I couldn't stay longer. My reduced insulation is taking quite a lot to get used to. And they don't heat the pool up enough.

Wednesday morning is workout day. I go to a friend's place and use her home gym. She has a treadmill, bike, recumbant bike, ab roller and air walker. And the freaky one you move your feet in and out and it works the inner thighs. I don't bother with that one. But I use all the others. It's good and we've done it for about a month now.

I've been off and picked up 5yo from school and have lost the total gist of what I was trying to say with this blog. 5pm is where I hit the wall and can't think anymore. So I might leave it here and try again tomorrow.

Although, I will say, I had a look at my weightloss over the last 2 months. I'm averaging 100g a week at the moment. Not moving mountains, but it's chipping away. It's not as bad as I thought. If I take the zigzagging out of it, it doesn't look that bad. ;-)

Til next time,

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ok, I've decided that Monday is a crap day for weigh in. I seem to gain weight between Sunday and Monday. So I'm changing it to Sunday. At least for one week I'll have a loss!! Sundays look so much better!! I seem to hit my lowest weights on a Sunday. For some reason, I weigh myself on the Sunday. I rarely weigh myself any other day. It just does my head in!!
I've lost 600 grams since last week, but gained 700g in a day!! I was so sure I'd be at a new lowest weight for my official weigh in. Oh, well. If you pissfart around, you don't get anywhere. "A goal without a due date is just a dream". So, for now I dream. :-p

Anyway, on to my week. I had my garage sale on Saturday, made $87.50, which wasn't bad for spending the day sitting on my doorstep reading David Hicks' memoirs (personally, I think it reads like a screenplay. If he's not trying to sell the movie rights, I'd be very surprised.)  I'd spent the week going through my house, trying to be ruthless and get rid of stuff.  Worked off a few calories lugging the "merchandise" (AKA crap I don't want anymore) out and then what was left into the garage until this morning when it was loaded into a trailer and went to the op shop.

On Sunday I worked at 5yo's school at their working bee. 3 hours of weeding certainly works those glutes and hamstrings!!! I was so sore this morning. It made bowling interesting!!

Now, the funniest thing happened last week. I was on the computer (no surprises there) and the dog started barking. Then yelping in the way that means he's scared shitless or in pain. Ken went out to have a look what was wrong. I heard a woman's voice say "it's probably me". I thought it was coming from next door, but no, we had a woman in our back yard!! She was an elderly woman and she'd just walked in, didn't ring the doorbell, just went through our gate!! I didn't quite know what was going on when Ken brought her inside, but I soon found out that she was looking to get a jump on the garage sale!
I swear to God, this woman straight away reminded me of Nan from the "Catherine Tate Show".  If you don't know who she is, watch this...

She kept saying "how do you put up with the kids?" Complained about the oldies in the village she lives in, but didn't quite swear the way that "Nan" does. She ended up buying a stool, then proceeded to complain about how hard it was to sit on!! She came back on Saturday and told me she'd made a cushion for it.
The kicker for me was when she mentioned the previous owners. I told her their name but she didn't know. She then mentioned how she had a scooter that had broken down on the way home. I said "that was us, we loaded it on the trailer and took it home for you" She wasn't convinced and said " but it was a big lady"
"Yes that was me!" I remember this, the poor thing was pushing the bloody thing!!
She was shocked, I was stoked!! This woman sugarcoats nothing!! She didn't even recognise me. It wasn't until 5yo walked in and she remembered her that she was convinced.

I know, it shouldn't take a stranger to reinforce what all my friends are telling me, but I guess I dismiss what my friends say, cos they're my friends, they're supposed to be nice to me. :-)

Hmmm... my friends can be pretty honest. Maybe I should listen to them more...

Til next time,

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Week 3 Day 6

Slack, slack, slack!!

Ok, so last week's weigh in saw me gain 1/2 kilo, but an unofficial weigh in saw me lose another 100g off my lowest weight, so go figure?

Focus hasn't been good, obviously, cos I haven't been on here. I guess I didn't want to do a negative blog, cos no one wants to read that, right?

But as I am writing this for me, and I know the  one or two people who do read this who would kick my butt for not writing, here we go!!

I have been feeling pretty down. Last Monday I just stayed at home and was miserable. I was supposed to go bowling and just didn't feel like it. I spent the afternoon deleting gaming friends from Facebook. (I've deleted most of my games, except packrat)
I deleted one friend who had been a good friend, but had just disappeard from my life. It was sad, but it was harder to see photos of her kids come up on my Facebook. I miss them.
I had to go pick 5yo up from school. I saw my teammates, one of them made me laugh and I realised that everything would be ok.

I don't know why I am so intent on not reaching my goal of 106 kilos. It's 3 kilos FFS!! I am not eating right, I haven't been making exercise part of my routine. I am sabotaging majorly.

My counsellor is starting to get peeved with me. I can see her point. I am the only one who can do this. Nobody else can.

It's 5 o'clock. I want to go and eat. While it is coming onto tea time, I did have a banana only an hour or so ago. I think it's more the fact that my printer is out of ink and I can't even read the Superannuation rollover form that I wanted to fill in and post off tomorrow. I can't fix it now, so I'm getting a little stressed.

6pm. I'm over the printer... I had a piece of raisin toast at 5:30. I've made the girls dinners. So appreciative, 4yo says "yuk" and 5yo is waiting for it to cool down... hmmm...

6:30,I've tidied my computer desk, so I know where everything is and have gotten rid of the crap that shouldn't be there. I'm trying to make space so I can do the homework the counsellor set me.  Hubby's just walked in and I'm off to make his dinner.

Gee, this has turned into an exciting blog. I can even distract myself from blogging by finding other stuff to do.

Maybe one day I'll be able to do one thing at a time and finish it before I start the next thing... Maybe!!

Til next time,

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Week 2:Day 2

Ok, it's been an interesting day or so. I have a storage unit that we had put stuff in so we had room to paint and then sell our house. We changed our minds and are staying now. We'd mucked around with emptying it, but we got a letter saying that they are upping our rent by $25 per month, starting this month, that's got our butts into gear and we have 3 weeks to empty it.
I had a bag in there that I'd bought at Kylie's garage sale a couple years ago. I didn't have a clue what I'd put in there, but it turns out there were some "too small" clothes in there (we'd packed this unit before my surgery). There are two tops that are now too big and some shorts that I'd wondered in passing what had happened to them. They are loose, but not too big yet. Very happy with this find as I'm rapidly running out of clothes again, particularly pants.

I made another discovery yesterday. Now it could be bleedin' obvious to everyone else, but a kilo isn't the same for someone who is 150kg compared to someone 109kg or smaller.

I put on my black jeans yesterday morning, my favourite black jeans, so comfy, always loved them. They are now too big. I couldn't even do a belt with them, they just look too baggy. The jeans I ended up wearing are rapidly going down the same path, and the belt I bought to hold them all up with. It's been the first time I've been sad that something doesn't fit anymore.

Now, to get to my point, When I was 150kg, losing one kilo, while fantastic, didn't really make me look any different. It took a few losses to make my clothes feel looser, and certainly many of them together to change sizes. And in my last effort, about 20kg before people started noticing that I was losing weight. But I now see what people mean when they say don't buy too many clothes while you're shrinking, cos it's now that the sizes are starting to matter. I had to go and change a size 20 top for a size 18 one yesterday. I'd only bought it a couple of weeks ago!! It's just unreal! A couple of kilos is actually noticable in my clothes now.

I used to be quite a "Fattist" before this surgery. I'll be honest, I thought that anyone who wasn't around my starting weight size wasn't "bad" enough to have the surgery. I even went to the surgeon thinking that he might not do the surgery because I wasn't big enough.
I now see that I was just oblivious to what I had done to myself to get to that state, and now that I see what that kilo or two difference makes at the size I am now, I can totally understand why someone who had gained and gone up those sizes so quickly (and unlike me didn't put their head in the sand) would want to change their lives before they became like me! Cos I'm starting to feel the benefits of not having 42 extra kilos on me now that I am moving around more!

I didn't get the poor dog out for a walk this morning. I stayed in bed until 9am. Love the Melbourne Cup! Purely cos it gives us a public holiday. It was an hour and a half after the race was run that I remembered to check to see who won!
Anyway, I promised the girls that we could go swimming this morning since they don't have lessons today. We were there for almost 2 hours! It was fantastic. We're tired now, but it was lovely to spend that time in the pool and not be watching the clock after the first hour so we can go home. We played in all the pools, the girls had a ball!

We went to McDonalds for lunch. I tried the Mcdippers. Very yum, but I can't eat 3. I had 2, but shouldn't have picked at the girls chips afterwards. Was feeling a bit full! Bit scary that the ranch dipping sauce that I had was only 10 calories less than the dippers I ate!! (131 and 141) Should have gone with the honey mustard, it's only got 64 calories. And to add to this, you get given two portions of dipping sauce!! I only used one, but in theory, there were more calories in all the dip than in the dippers, and they're not the healthiest option to begin with! Yummy though. :-)

Til next time,

Monday, November 1, 2010

100 pounds lost challenge week 1

Weigh in day today. The first week of my challenge saw me lose 1.7kg. This takes me to a new lowest weight of 109.2kg. Only 3.1kg to go!
Much of this will be fluid, but it's a nice, big number to start with!

I am a bit lost today. I normally go bowling, but I was asked to do canteen duty. So I pre-bowled yesterday. Then I get a message last night to say that I didn't need to do canteen duty. So I've caught up on some washing this morning, but it just feels weird. I've been running around so much, now I don't have much to do. Except the housework, and I'm not jumping up to do that in a hurry!!

I didn't take the dog out for a walk today. I will certainly make an effort to do it tomorrow. I don't want to post a gain next week!

Til next time,

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The hundred pound challenge. Day 7

I have been flat out the last couple of days. Friday I was up at 6:45. thanks to my darling 5yo. So I took the time to make the birthday cake for Saturday. We had playgroup and canteen duty. 5yo had swimming at school, 4yo was dragged along with me to canteen, so we were all stuffed by the end of the day. We picked up Haylee early from the youth centre and she caught a taxi to youth group just so the little ones didn't have to go out in the car again. I also spent the evening getting potato salad made, decorating the cake and trying to get the house presentable for guests.

Saturday we went to the dentist first thing. Haylee had been complaining about her wisdom teeth. She also needed a filling. We were all due to go anyway, I like taking the little ones so they have a positive experience there, not just take them when there is something wrong. It doesn't cost us anything for them, so it's all good.
Me, on the other hand, have to get my teeth cleaned. My teeth are so sensitive, I hate it. Yesterday they had to numb my bottom gum to be able to do it, and it still hurt!!
So I went straight from the dentist to work. Had a fantastic, easy time there, and then came home and had a fantastic day with my family and friends for 4yo's birthday.

It was interesting yesterday. It was the first party I'd had since my surgery. I didn't overeat, I had overcatered for lunch, but some of the guests stayed for dinner, so I had enough for that and didn't have much leftover.
It was the first time, after a party, that I didn't feel bloated and full and like I'd overeaten. Normally it's one of my excuses to go crazy. I did have a cheese platter out that I really enjoyed (and got the blue cheese all to myself :-) ) but even then I didn't go overboard. I was tidying up at the end of the night and actually felt my tummy grumble!!
Don't know what the calories would have been, with me enjoying that cheese, but yesterday morning I was back down to 109.4kg. Don't know what the official number will be on Monday!! Guess we'll wait and see. :-)

It's nice to be able to spend this morning relaxing. I have to go to work this afternoon, but it's lovely to not have to plan and rush and worry that I've forgotten anything. I love having parties for my girls, I wouldn't do it otherwise, but they do tire me out!!

Til next time,

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Hundred Pound Challenge:- Day 4

I spent this morning cleaning the kitchen and dining room. Then I did some costume making for 5yo's school concert. I sorted through some paperwork, paying bills (oh yay), then I hit the wall. I was stuffed!! I had to go to the market after school pick up  and get some salad stuff for Saturday's get together and tonight I ended up dozing off while reading a book, leaving the kids to be late to bed again.

I am yawning my head off now and it's only 8:40pm!! I don't know if I'll make it to Saturday!!

Lots of movement today, so not stressed about the dog missing his walk. Nachos for lunch, Chips for dinner. No wonder I'm tired!!!

Til next time,

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The hundred pound challenge:- Day 3

I got my butt out of bed this morning and took the dog for a walk. It's 20 minutes, allows the girls to eat their breakfast without me nagging them and gets my exercise over first thing. I also left the car at kinder and walked to the shops again. I also walked around the shops, pushing a trolley that was a challenge to steer when full, so it was an upper body workout too. :-)

Only have to feed myself tonight, so I had nachos. I don't have sour cream or guacamole, so it's not as unhealthy, but i'm the only one who eats it, so I enjoyed it. :-)

Very tired now, need to get to bed earlier. I gave in and Added a CSI game on my facebook. It's not as intensive and I can't play it for very long cos I run out of energy. :-) But I have been reading blogs and getting things ready for 4yo's party on Saturday.

Starting to waffle. Can't think of what I wanted to say today. Oh, yeah!, I went to Autograph today, they had $20 off for VIP members. I tried on a dress, but was really disappointed. The top looked fantastic, but the bottom half clinged and I could see the bumps on my belly!! :-( It was the first time I found a dress with sleeves too!! But I found a top that I really liked, I liked it even more when I had to get a size 18!! :-)

Til next time,

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day two of the 100 pound challenge!!

I got in the pool today!! Woohoo!! I have missed the water so much!! We went in early and had a play and I swam and stretched and generally enjoyed being in the water while 4yo had her lesson.
I was a little disappointed, cos my size 22 bathers didn't fit, I had to wear my size 24 ones. But as they are Speedos, I figure their sizing is as wrong as the netball skirt manufacturers!! (I can now put my size 26 skirt on comfortably. An example of why numbers shouldn't determine your mood!)

I bit the bullet!! I removed all bar one Facebook game!! I kept Packrat, mainly for sentimental reasons, I've been playing it on and off for over 2 years!! I was going to leave some on to help out my friends, but I'm hopeless, I'll do that for a while and then I'll just start playing again. So they have to go.
I have to be careful, though. I've stopped playing games and started reading blogs!! Don't want one obsession to replace another!

5yo has been nagging me to go to the "bikkie" shop. At our local shops has the Terlada bakery which makes the yummiest shortbread bikkies. We buy the seconds, which are mostly just the wrong size, occasionally a little too caramelised, but always very yummy.
I had a billy tea and lime flavour OMG, so good. It's been so long since I had one, I'd forgotten how good these biscuits are...until I put the details into the computer. I don't have the exact nutritional information, so I used the generic "shortbread" details. 250 CALORIES!! Just as well I'd gone swimming this morning!! :-)

So far so good on the food front. I had porridge for breakfast, then lamb curry and mashed potato for lunch (it was more a tomato casserole that a curry) Calories are cruising along. if I could just find my water bottle, I wouldn't have an excuse for not having drunk any water!!

Need to plan for tonight so I don't sit there eating! Let's see what's for dinner...

Til next time,

Monday, October 25, 2010

Today, exercise was good. I got up this morning and took the dog for a walk. I went 10 pin bowling (I regard that as a bit of resistance training), then after dropping 4yo off at Kinder, I walked to the shops, then had to walk back again!! I was tired when I got home from picking up 5yo from school.

Food was another matter. I started the day well, I took my snack for morning tea and was going along fine, until I got home from school. I seem to leave it way too long from lunchtime until after school pickup, then I eat!! Afternoon/evenings are where it all goes pear shaped!! the next thing I have to look at is meal planning.
I hate afternoons. I feel so tired and can't be bothered cooking dinner. Why should I when I make what I think is a delicious, nutritious dinner and the kids turn their noses up and tell me they want cocktail franks or a peanut butter sandwich? I tell them eat it or go without, but it still frustrates the shit out of me that they wont even try something new!! Not everything I try works, but most things do.

I drank more water today than yesterday too. I gotta keep looking at the good things I've done today or I'll give up tomorrow. Turn the positive switch on!!

I drew a big "106" and got the girls to color it in. It's up on my wardrobe door to get me out of bed in the morning. I weighed in this morning and, unfortunately, I've got a little extra to lose. just under 5kg. Still an achievable goal. Hopefully the extra 1.5kg is fluid and I can drink it away. :-)

Facebook is another issue I need to deal with. I am spending waaaaayyyy too much time on it. To the detriment of sleep. And time with my girls. But I don't know if I'm ready to give up the games yet.
I am very sad. I have cut down, so I'm not playing as many games, but they are becoming more and more intensive, so much you can do on one application. 
Time to really think about just keeping my "real" friends on there and letting the gaming friends go. And letting the games go. eventually.

Til next time,

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Ok, last night I was rather miserable. Not in a jump off a building way, but I had a few really busy days and yesterday was my 3yo's birthday party with her friends. Last night I was exhausted!! My back was out, all my muscles ached.
I couldn't help thinking "Bloody hell!! I've lost 42kg and things still haven't changed"!!

Ok, so taking into account, I'd worked before the party, so hadn't stopped ALL day, plus the fact I hadn't been taking my medication that helps my fibromyalgia, plus I was running after children ALL day, no wonder I was tired and sore.  When I went to bed, I stretched and cracked my back to ease the pain. It's so nice to feel it go back into place.

This morning, I got up and my back was fine and the only things that were sore were my feet, which was only a little bit and eased once they warmed up. So my findings are that 42kg, while not curing everything in the whole world, does help recovery to be quicker. I was worried that I couldn't work today, but I'll be fine.

Now, another interesting thing, Escape from Obesity has lost 100 pounds!! That is a fantastic effort, terrific job and I can't wait to see her photos cos she's got "skinny" jeans (my term not hers, she sounds very happy!! )

I decided to see how many pounds I've lost now. So easy to do, Google "Pounds kilos" and a huge list of pages with converters come up. :-)

So, I have now lost 42.1kg, which converts to 92.8 pounds!!
so I have 7.2 pounds to lose to reach 100 pounds which is 3.2kg!!

So I want my scales to hit 106.1kg!! I converted that to pounds, but it's not a pretty number, so we'll leave it at that. :-)

Time to get this body moving!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Ok, I am having a weird morning in Blog world. I decided to catch up on a couple of blogs that I like to read.

The first one was "" She spoke about her spacial awareness and how getting through shop aisles and the space between say a table and a chair is so hard to judge. Before she was bumping into everything and not realising how far out the bum or hips stick out. Now she looks at how little the car door can open in the car park and surprises herself by still being able to get out! (Hopefully I was paraphrasing and not plagiarising her blog. Apologies for any non accredited quotes)
I totally related to her blog. Those things have happened to me!! I have also started buying new clothes, since the old ones are pretty much falling off me. I had to get 2 sizes smaller than I thought. It's good to know that my lack of "body awareness" isn't just my own quirk.

So then I have a look at otherwise known as "Jack sh*t getting fit". yesterday's entry was some cute limericks, but the day before was talking about putting before and after shots on your blog. Getting out of your comfort zone and showing the world how far you'd come. I don't know how clothed they thought you should be, I guess that's up to the individual.
I have a before and an "after 40kg" shot that have me in my bathers. I have been reluctant to put them up, working out the best place for them, to have the least ridicule. Thanks to Jack, I am going to be brave and post them on here once I publish this. It's 11:42am on Thursday here, and it may take me a while to figure it out (just getting the hyperlinks on here was fun!! ) But I am putting myself out there!!

Wish me luck!!

Til next time,

Edit:- Ok, I give up, I wanted it to be impressive like Escape from Obesity's, where she has links
to her progress shots, but I don't know how to do it, so here they are. try not to laugh or dry wretch too loudly!!:-

Front view...

Side view

Monday, October 11, 2010

Wake up call!!!

So, yesterday I decided I would keep track of what I ate all day. According to Calorie King, I should be eating 1720 calories. I'll take that, cos I've been using 2000 calories as what I was "supposed" to be having for a long time. As soon as I started trying to drop the number, I would start feeling deprived and sabotage myself.

The scales have slowed on there downwards trend, I need to assess what I'm doing so I can change things and get them moving. I only have 10 kilos before I hit my first major goal of double figures!!

Things are different now, I can't eat what I used to, or can I??

So, I start with a slice of raisin toast. The old me could eat a whole loaf of this stuff in one day. 1 slice now is plenty.

Morning tea was shaved ham and Philly on cruskits.

I made a roast pork for lunch. I was supposed to do this on Thursday night, but it was still frozen. It was the best pork I'd ever cooked!! It was tender and yummy and I picked at it almost all afternoon.
The roast veggies weren't as good, but my neighbour called in and threw out my timing. Which is possibly why the meat was so good. Normally I am impatient and am cutting the cooked meat from the edges and throwing the rest back in the oven while we eat.

We also had a couple of chocolate blinky bills in the afternoon.

So, when I added all this up, I'd reached 1420 calories! This was the point where I'd stopped recording. I only had a couple of hundred calories left and I always eat more at night. Once the kids go to bed and I can have something in peace without being interrupted!

I had a bowl of icecream when the kids were in bed and some cheese and bikkies (le snacks) when I was in bed.

When I got up this morning and thought about what I had eaten, I was sure I'd been a complete pig and God knows how much I'd eaten. I was going to stretch my stomach back to what it was and all the surgery and time in hospital would be for nothing!! no wonder I wasn't losing anything!!

As I started writing this blog I decided to get some perspective and record everything else I'd eaten last night.

The total for the day? 2088 calories. More than I need, but nothing on what my old self could put away.

And looking at it, not a drop of plain water passed my lips yesterday. There was coffee, juice and milk, but no water. My logic of this is that if I drink, I can't eat. It causes pain in my stomach. As I have now proven that I am eating more than enough, I can release this logic and work on my water. Maybe 1 litre, (4 glasses) over the day? I can work my way up to 2 litres.

I am also weighing everything so I can get an accurate picture. I'm not worrying about what it is (I need to go grocery shopping) , that can be the next step.

An enlightening Sunday. Bring on the week!! It will be interesting to see what the total calories are for today. I'm half way to my water goal already and it's not even lunchtime!!

til next time,

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I did it!! I had a really good night, both company wise and food wise!!

I had 1 plates with a bit of my favourite seafood and pasta salad (took out the pasta) 1 piece of salt and pepper squid (OMG, soooooo good!) and a mini dim sim that I just ate the guts of.

Dessert was coconut sorbet (new since I was there last, yummmmmmy!!) and I went and got the silliest looking baby servings of chocolate mousse, sticky date pudding and chocolate pudding and a little whipped cream. I took my time and enjoyed every mouthful!

Through out this dining experience I had a glass of my favourite type of wine, moscato.

I may not have got my money's worth foodwise (hubby's comment on the way home), but I enjoyed it all the same.

Another step in my new life.

til next time,
I'm off to a buffet dinner tonight. It's the first time since I got my smaller tummy.
It's for a friend's birthday, so I want to go, but I am so bad at self control.
I've been there before, so I know roughly what I can have. I'm thinking I could just skip the mains and have some dessert. :-) They have a fantastic dessert bar!!

I just have to remember, small serves and eat slow. We'll be there for a couple of hours. If I pace myself, I'll be fine.
I will pace myself and be fine.

the wierdest thing. My drainage tube site hasn't been healing. Turns out there was a staple in there! It came out on Wednesday night and now it's healing!! Yay!! But why didn't it show up on the many scans I had?? Strange.
But fingers crossed, again, this is it and I wont have to worry about leaking any more!!!!!

Apparently John Lennon would have been 70 today. It's sad the people who are taken from this world too soon. I saw a doco on Nirvana last night. Imagine Kurt Cobain and John Lennon doing a song together, it would have been amazing!!

Til next time,

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Saw my counsellor today. I'm now working on affirmations.

"It is ok for me to eat whenever I need to"
"I will keep getting smaller and that is a good thing".

I have to keep repeating these to myself until they sink in.

The old "fake it til you make it!!"

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Every time I come on here, I go "wow, it's been ages since I've been on here!!" Tonight is no different.

I read my last post, in June. I wasn't at the other end of my troubles. The doctors would have me nil by mouth which, of course, would reduce the amount leaking out of my stomach. I would go home and end up back in again when I started putting my stomach under any strain. It didn't take much. When water was pouring out of the drainage tube hole, then diet coke, then the blue dye they made me drink to test it, they finally glued the hole up.

But I'm still leaking. Just a little, but I'm back in for a day procedure in a couple of weeks. More glue.

I have lost 42kg now. the procedure has done it's job. I am eating less and losing weight.

My head hasn't caught up with the scales. I've started going clothes shopping. My body apparently is a size 20 now. My head still thinks my body is a size 24. I still have to stop myself from thinking "I can't get that, what if I gain weight and can't wear it? I have to remind myself to get a smaller size if I want to put it away for a while, not a bigger one. It's such a weird feeling.

Even wearing the clothes that I have bought feels weird. I have been wearing my size 24-26 clothes even now, so to wear that size 20, I think "is it too small" and have the feelings that I had when I would wear clothes that I had grown out of because I'd put on weight, but had to wear cos nothing else fit. I guess I fear I am going too small too quickly with my clothes. But I can't get a bigger size, cos it wont last.

I have never really felt comfortable in clothes, never know what looks good. But I can't be naked, cos I'd get arrested. Not to mention making people around me feel physically ill.

So much fodder for my next counselling session!!!

Til next time,


Saturday, June 26, 2010

Wow, it's been quite a while since I posted in here.

So, I survived my 3 weeks of Optifast. I had a lot of help and support, made a few phone calls to keep me on track, for stupid things like "remind me why I can't have tuna on my salad?" and to get through the cravings of silly things like toasted cheese or a vegemite sandwich.

I had my surgery. Developed a couple of infections, spent 5 out of the first 8 weeks in hospital.
It looks like I'm at the other end of that.

Now I have to deal with the whole idea that my stomach wont fit in what my head thinks it will.
Ever absentmindedly sipped a cup of tea while doing something else? Not anymore. I've found that out the hard way a couple of times.

The amount I can eat and drink is slowly increasing, but it's only teaspoons worth, maybe a tablespoon. I have to be patient, but it's so frustrating when I'm eating something that tastes so good. I guess it's all about retraining my head to look after me. I physically can't eat it, so the inner child has to live with that. there's no trying to have "one more spoon", there is just no space for that. It causes pain and nausea.

Still a long way to go. But now I can see progress I'm slowly coming out of the feeling of "what the hell have I done?"
And it's not progress on the scales. I have to admit, I've weighed myself, but it's purely because I'm getting asked how much I've lost. I have been so unwell, I don't care what the scales say. I just want to get better. I want to be able to eat that small entree sized meal I was promised. I'm not worrying about the nutritional content of foods, I'm eating maybe 5 tablespoons of food a day and around 1 litre of fluids. That is not going to make me gain weight. I don't need to eat "diet" foods at the moment!
For anyone who is curious, including the pre-op diet, I've lost 27kgs in 10 weeks. I was nil by mouth for about 2.5 of those weeks and on fluids only for another 2.5 weeks. I've been eating mushy foods for the last 2 weeks and have slowly been trying other things, like dry biscuits, but mainly things that are light and wont feel like a rock in my stomach. Not the ideal way to lose that much weight.
Based on my own experiences, the way I feel now, I would not recommend this procedure. That's not to say I may change my mind when I'm "normal" and get that small entree I want.
I made my decision to have this surgery, now I will live with it and learn to appreciate my smaller stomach. I can't go back. Only forward.
Til next time,

Monday, April 12, 2010

General Chit chat. And Major Waffle. Lol.

Well, my girl went back to school today. She looked so happy to be back in her uniform. I now have to go and get ready for bowling.

It's raining outside. Apparently yesterday was the first day since November that the temperature had dropped below 20 degrees in Melbourne. We had to put jumpers on, it was weird. :-)

I didn't get much done yesterday. The kitchen is a bit tidier.

This afternoon I am going to get the food I need to help survive the next 3 weeks. Nerves are starting to kick in.

but I have to take it one day at a time. Three weeks feels like forever. But I have to succeed or the surgeon wont do my surgery. That's a pretty big incentive to keep going.

Must go hop in the shower. I have to prebowl my last game this morning.

til next time,

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I did some painting yesterday. I was looking at some real estate on the computer, but then once again realised that I'm not going to be able to buy any of them if I don't get this house on the market. So some undercoat was done. I'd washed the most feral cupboard doors ever. Who puts louvered doors in a laundry? Seriously? they look heaps better, though. Just need to be painted now.

I was planning to paint this morning while the kids were at playgroup with Dad, but forgot that Ken was ditching playgroup today in favour of going to a car show. Hope it absolutely buckets down on them!!
So I didn't paint, I stayed in bed with the girls. :-) It was a nice morning. Last one before school goes back tomorrow.

but this afternoon I paint. It's nice to see I'm achieving something. We will get there.

Til Next time,

Friday, April 9, 2010

My optifast is sitting at the post office. :-) I visited a friend who's had a baby today and the package came while I was out. Oh well, I'll pick it up in the morning. I had to have my baby fix. She's tiny and got the most gorgeous head of reddy brown hair. So cute.

I wasn't going to go anywhere today, but after I got a text message, I couldn't resist. I'm glad I did, cos her 6yo daughter needed some friends to play with. And it was lovely to see them. My poor friend has had 2 kids 11 months apart. She's got a job and a half ahead. I'm jealous as. :-)

I've finished watching NCIS, so I'll get some decent sleep now. lol. I was up until after 3am this morning watching the last of them. I wont be doing that again for a while. I slept this morning away and wanted to sleep the afternoon too. Very silly.

...I wrote this last night and forgot to publish. I fell asleep around 1/4 to 1 this morning. A bit better. Now I'm off to get dressed and off to the post office. Gee, I live an exciting life. :-P

Til next time,

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I ordered my optifast today. Next Thursday I begin my pre-op liver shrinking!! It's starting to become real now. In just under a month I'll in Hospital having my Gastric Sleeve done. How fast the last 6 months have gone since I first called to make an appointment with the surgeon.

It's hard to believe the changes that are going to happen. There will be hard times, when I regret having it done. Sometimes I have fleeting thoughts that it's too drastic, that if I just got off my arse and did what I was supposed to do, I could succeed. It's all my own laziness, lack of drive, lack of willpower.

This is going to be a tool for me to succeed. It's not a magic cure. I have spent the last couple of weeks saying goodbye. To smorgasbords, to souvlaki, to Hungry Jacks, to tim tam cheesecake.
I'm not saying I'll never have any of it again. But for the next year, I'll be eating like a baby again. I'll need high quality food that will help me maintain my energy, my vitamins and minerals, my health. There will literally be no room for junk.

I will succeed at this. I have chosen the best tool for me. I just have to have the confidence in myself that I will use it well.

8 days and counting.

Til next time,

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Just finished season 4. OMG!! I hadn't seen all of them. I have kids now, so don't get to watch my favourite shows, or have the memory to record them.

I have only one season to go. :-)

I have only 9 days til I start Optifast. I only have 3 weeks of optifast. hehehe, I say "only", but I'll be bitching and whinging for a lot of it.

My life is so exciting right now. I spent yesterday recovering from Easter Sunday. Lots of chocolate in the house. But not as much as last year. The girls got less from us, and they got a little bit from a few people. As it was 3yo was not feeling well Sunday night.

Today is another day of not much. Slept the morning away in the recliner.

Wow, this is a blog worth bookmarking today. :-) But at least it's written. Even if it is boring.

Til next time,

Monday, April 5, 2010

Every time I get a TV series on DVD, I stay up til ridiculous hours to watch them. At the moment I'm watching NCIS. I have 5 series to watch. I'm up to series 4.

2 o'clock in the morning and I'm still watching. This is crazy. The kids still get up at around 7:30. No wonder I'm tired. Purely self inflicted.

But I love the show so much. :-)

Quiet day today.

Til next time,

Sunday, April 4, 2010

It's Sunday night. I have spent the day with the extended family. It was fun, except for all the wasps that were hanging around. I hate wasps.

We had a good time at a playground. It had shade and a BBQ, The kids ran around lots. It was a long walk to the playground, afterwards we trekked back to a cafe and had a cuppa.

I am now exhausted, I don't know how much sense this will make. Just feel I need to write something each day, so I can at least look back at my life and see I've done something.

The girls had a lovely morning. They got an egg decorating kit and set to work decorating a chocolate egg and eating the left over lollies before attacking the egg itself. It was a little egg hunt this morning, with the house in a mess from painting, there really aren't many hiding spots.

Til next time,

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Today is Easter Saturday. We have left the hot cross bun domain and are entering the day of chocolate. This is the last Easter I will be pigging out on Chocolate. This time next year I will have had my tiny tummy for almost a year. The last few weeks have been time to say goodbye to my old habits.

I know it's not healthy. I went to a buffet on Thursday. It was interesting. This particular place has an absolutely brilliant dessert bar. So I go easy on the mains and crazy on the dessert. Whereas other places I'll go mad on the mains and eat the dessert just cos it's there. There is no logic to my mind when it comes to food.

But anyway, I start Optifast on the 15th of April, so I am now winding down my goodbyes to junk food. We're off to a restaurant on Wednesday, then I have a chocolate High tea on the 11th...

...oh jees, what am I doing? I haven't been out this much in ages!!!

I know I'll be able to have the "evil" foods after the surgery. It's just that I am rather obsessive and when it comes to chocolate, it's just best that we avoid each other. So it's time to say "so long". At least after the 11th. :-P

The one thing that I didn't want to have happen did last week, a kid at school turned to my daughter and said "your mum's fat". I was going to be at goal weight by the time she started school. She wasn't going to go through this. Now the word "fat" is a bad word and I don't know how to deal with it. It's term one in prep, she shouldn't have to go through all this already.

Friday, March 19, 2010

It's been a while since I was on here.
Don't know that I have much to say at the moment. Just thought I'd touch base on here.

Weightloss is not happening. I feel all over the place at the moment. There's been no planning, no healthy cooking (or eating). No exercise.

I have fallen in a heap. I am slowly crawling out from under the rubble.

I'm tired.

I'll try this again another day.

Til Next time,