My Progress

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year!! Was gonna blog, but I'm too tired now. It's 2009!! 2008 disappeared like a flash!!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I have decided that today is "I hate food day". I hate stopping to think whether everything that goes into my mouth is "good" or "bad". I just can't be bothered.

I know this shits in the face of weightloss, but my attitude towards food swings so violently within a day, that my behaviour isn't going to make me successful right now. New years was a sucky time to try and achieve anything. I love that we are on holidays and don't HAVE to go anywhere, but Ken's home and I just want him to leave me alone for a while. I'll give you a for instance:- he hands me a paper and says he wants to download these shows. That's cool, I get on the net to have a look. He then tells me what sites I'm supposed to get on. I don't tell him I have another window opening to that page and the other ones is just play. I ask him a simple question, he answers it and then goes on to tell me what to do! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!

As you can see, I've missed some medication. I remembered again yesterday. A 28 pack of tablets that I'm supposed to take every day lasted me 2 months. That's not good! I've tried the alarm. It goes off while I'm doing something else, I turn it off and think "I'll do it in a minute", then forget!

I've lost the USB cable for my phone. NOT HAPPY!! (Gee, I'm yelling a lot tonight!) It's probably with the landline handset that has been missing for over a week!! Just as well my head is attached, because I'd probably lose that too!!

I feel angry, I don't know exactly what at, but I'm tired, angry and feel like just lashing out. Too much bad shit has been happening lately and I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I am feeling out of control, I'm still just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get through the day.

I use my computer as an avoidance technique. If I'm staring at the screen, I don't see what needs to be done around me and I can pretend it's not there. If I'm staring at the screen, I can ignore the time and it's the computer's fault that I don't get enough sleep. I have important things to do on the computer, so I don't have time to pick up the toys, get a load of washing on or do the dishes. Past the kid's bedtime? That's the computer's fault.

I was supposed to spend some time with Ken tonight, instead I am at the computer. How stupid is that??

I am turning the computer off now. Well, I might. I tend to say that and then get distracted with CK or Facebook, or checking my ever important spam.

Yeah, technology is a real time saver, huh??

Monday, December 29, 2008

Ok, well nothing exciting happened, unless you count 3yo throwing up!! She was complaining she wasn't feeling well, so I had her sitting quietly watching Bananas in Pyjamas. She picked up once she got it out!! :-I It's very rare for my kids to be sick. Even when they were babies, they very rarely chucked.

Anyway, that was the most that happened today. I tidied my desk, sort of. I've lost one of the cordless handsets and the other one is playing up. I've only lost it in the last couple of weeks, but it's disappeared. The only place I haven't checked is Dstepd's room. Maybe I left it in there when I put her bed up.

Well, that's about it. I am very ready for Dstepd to go back to her mother, she is giving me the shits!! She's back there for a couple of days! Yay!

I'm off to watch "A very Specky Christmas". I taped it last week. Then I think it's off to bed.
Yay!! I fixed the timezones, so I'm posting in Australia, not the East coast of the USA! :-) Now, just to figure out how to get emoticons in here and I'm laughing!!
Back later, when something exciting might have happened!! Or not!! :-)

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Today was housework day!! I hadn't planned it, but I decided that I wanted to get all my washing done and it rolled on from there. Ken took 3 loads to the laundromat so that we could get it out on the line in time. Unfortunately, I've had to rewash some of it because there was still washing powder on them. Next time I'll be more patient and just use my reliable front loader.
Anyway, the washing got done, I tidied the girls room and 3yo and Ken vacuumed, I locked the dogs outside (their beds are in the laundry) and swept all that out.

I got tired after lunch and had a snooze!! Yay. When I got up, Ken has swept the floor in the kitchen and dining room! Isn't he a sweetie?

We went to Frankston today. On the news last night they were showing sand sculptures made into dinosaurs. We decided to check it out. The way they were talking we thought they were on the beach, but it was an enclosed area. Makes sense, the security to stop idiots trashing it would have been huge! They also made it sound like it was beach sand. There was definitely red clay in that sand!! Not to take away from the amazing sites we saw, but the news did stretch the truth a little!! Shock horror, they've never done that before!! :-p
The girls seemed to like the exhibition. I let 3yo use my camera and take photos of whatever she liked. She's becoming quite a good little photographer, once I told her not to chop people's heads off! :-) I took probably half a dozen of the 60 odd photos that were taken, so most of the ones on here are hers.

One of the sculptors putting the finishing touches on a wall of dinosaurs! It was a piece of art!
I was amazed at the detail of the sculptures. The weeks of work that went into building it shows in the detail.

We were going to stay til it got dark, but the girls were getting tired. We went across a bridge that 3yo called the "Sydney Harbour Bridge" and she got quite upset when I said we weren't going to make our own sandcastles. It was lovely there though and I promised her we would go back and make sandcastles and have lunch and play in the playground. It was just too late and Ken and I were getting hungry. We'd fed the girls earlier as we didn't get there til after 7pm and they normally eat at 5:30, so it was happy meals for them on the way.

Ok, the photos you can now see are taking forever to upload. Our broadband has been throttled, so while it's faster than dial up, it's sooooooooooooo slow compared to our usual speed.

Wow, it's 10 to 11 already!! We didn't get home til 9, then I had to get the girls to bed while Ken went and got dinner. I wanted fish and chips, but the only decent shop in Cranbourne was closed, so he went and got KFC. Another bad decision. I had way too much. I don't normally have pieces because I have too much, but tonight I did. Self destructive behaviour.

I need sleep!! I've got to stop staying up so late, then I wont doze off in the afternoon!!

Oh, come on photos!! I want to go to bed!! Why are we waaaaaiiiiting, why are we waitiinng...

*twiddles thumbs* I can't wait for the 1st of the month and we get our download back!! I can't complain too loudly, I downloaded a fair bit this month, I'm lucky I didnt' get throttled sooner!!
... woohoo, all done!! I hope you enjoyed seeing the photos. We had a good night.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I am absolutely devastated today. The Scrapbooking shop I have been going to every second Friday night had a sale today. 50% off everything. It was supposed to be a moving sale, but they've been mucked around by the real estate agent and decided to close instead!! No more crop nights!! I used to call in there on a Wednesday as I was walking back to kinder. They are still going to be on the internet, but it's just not the same. I loved my Friday nights. Being able scraplift everyone's ideas, borrow equipment that I'd either only ever use once or try before I decided to buy my own. We'd have the whole shop to ourselves with all it's stock to help inspire us. There were nights when very little scrapbooking was done and lots of talking and laughing!! It's not fair.
I spent a smidge under $300 in there!! Shhh... don't tell Ken!!

Ken said I need to find something else to do on a Friday night. I don't know what. It was my one night on my own, without 5the kids, that didn't involve the gym. They did say they were going to try to organise a monthly crop night, so we'll see what happens once they relaunch their website.

So what to do instead?? I'll have to think about that one!!

It's not worth talking about food today. I didn't anticipate being at artypants for over 2 hours, so I was starving when I got home. Bad choices. I'll be filling in the "pink" diary. (That's the one I was talking about yesterday!

Exercisewise, I got to the gym today, so I'm happy with that. It wasn't too hard to get my workout done, although I only did 15 minutes on the treadmill instead of 30. I expected to be absolutely dying today, but I even got the bike done fairly easily!

Well, as usual, I'm exhausted, so I'm off to strangle my 2yo for pouring fridge magnets all over the dining room floor, then we are both off to bed!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Bad, bad food choices today. Dstepd gave me a box of ferrero Rochers for Christmas. A 24 pack. Between 3yo and I there are no more left. She had too many for her little body and I had way too many for my big body! Then I decided I needed pizza for tea. I haven't had it for a long time. Mainly because I get two pizzas, one being garlic, then proceed to eat them both. I am not feeling very well now.

I do not learn from this. It's a case of do not have them at all, because one or two slices is not an option.

I was given a diary from my sister for Christmas. I don't use one for everyday keeping track, I find a calendar works better for me. Blogging is much bettter for my everyday musings and giving me something to look back on to remember what I've done and see how far I've come. I think I'll use this diary for my food emotions. I'm an emotional eater, so it's time to really look at those emotions and try to recognise my triggers before they happen, instead of after I've eaten the box of chocolates.

I know I choose what goes in my mouth, but the emotion of whether I am thinking highly enough of myself at the time to look after myself is a huge factor in my decisions.

Right now I am utterly exhausted and need to go to bed. Ken's just come in and shit me with his camera. I wanted to have a look at it and have a play as his photos are incredibly grainy for a 7mp camera. All I hear from him is "go there, give it here for a second!" In the end I just handed it all back to him and told him I do not care!

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I have to start looking after myself (same stuff I've been saying for a long time. Hopefully soon it will sink in.)

Which includes a good night's sleep.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Oh, boy, where to start.

Well, as far as diet goes, I came home full of Jamaican Chocolate cheesecake, so let's just leave that topic for today.

I have had a fantastic day. It's been interesting, but really good.

We didn't have an overly early start. 6am. Not unusual for my girls. 3yo was worried that Santa hadn't come, so we directed her to the loungeroom to have a look. She was so excited to see the presents. She opened them like a girl possessed and loved every single one of them! 2yo took a little bit to warm up to this present thing, but once she did, she was ripping into them like a pro!

We stayed home for lunch, just the 4 of us. The girls didn't even touch the roast turkey lunch I made for us. Not surprising, they never eat roasts!!

I spoke to my niece last night to find out what time everyone was turning up. One sister was coming early afternoon and the other mid afternoon, so I decided we would be there when the first sister was going to be there. If the day bombed, we could use the kids as an excuse to leave early. Sounds horrible, but Ken wasn't too keen on going. I wasn't too sure how the day would go either, so having an escape plan was important to me.

We got there and my niece and her boyfriend were busy getting things ready. My sister arrived not long after us. My niece tricked me. She didn't mention my sister was bringing our mother!!
I haven't seen her for over 3 years! I guess I wasn't disappointed to see her. I certainly didn't think to scoop my kids up and walk straight out the door. Everything was put aside for a day. It was nice. I certainly don't think anything will change, but I guess it's good for everyone to know that we can be in the same room and no one needs to walk on eggshells.
I did say to my niece during the afternoon "was there something you forgot to tell me?" She smiled and said "if I told you, you probably wouldn't have come." She's right.
My mum met 2yo for the first time. She's still a little young to understand. 3yo is very family oriented at the moment and I'm sure she'll want to see her Grandma again. I don't know what I will do, whether I'll use it as an opportunity to see her again, or if I'll tell her that we can't. I was going to keep my kids away from her forever and live with the consequences later. Now, I just don't know. It's not like my mother does anything with her grandkids. No shopping trips, or any trips for that matter. If they visit her, she doesn't make it interesting for the kids or do anything with them, then wonders why they get bored and want to go home.
I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. It's a very narrow, tightrope kind of bridge, so I'll approach it with caution!

I was half expecting my other sister to turn up, but then she's only talking to half the family anyway, so it was unlikely. But that's what I thought about Mum!

Mum informed me that a family friend passed away two weeks ago. I was silently fuming. I am the one family member who actually turns up to funerals and I didn't know about it!! She made a crack that she read it in the paper, nobody bothered telling her. Maybe because she never fucking turns up!! Her oldest friend passed away this year. The funeral was only a couple of kilometers from her house and she still didn't turn up! And she wonders why nobody told her!
These are the things that remind me why I don't bother staying in contact with her. It's all about everybody putting in the effort for her, everybody has to contact her. She never rings anybody!!
now I have to try and get in contact with the family and do you think right now I can even remember the daughter's surname? Of course not!! And nothing is coming up in the newspaper search!!
Ok... I've vented and I need to move on from the topic of my mother. 30 odd years of issues there!!

... I've also found the archive for the funeral notices and I'll be in touch with the Funeral home tomorrow. Hopefully they can help me get a card to them. Nothing I can do at 10:30 at night, or possibly til Monday, stupid public holidays!

So, back to Christmas. Ken spoiled me as usual. It's funny, my niece has been with her boyfriend for a bit over a year. She got jewellery from him. I got a digital photo frame, external harddrive for the computer and some CDs. All very much appreciated, but can you spot the married couple!? :-)

2yo fell asleep on the way home, I managed to sponge her down, change her and put her to bed with barely an eye opening. 3yo's head barely hit the pillow and she was gone. The house is now silent. God, I hope they sleep in! I'm exhausted too! Only 6 days of the year left!!

I think it's time for bed. What a day!! Let's do it again next year!! :-)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's Christmas Eve, I've got presents to wrap and cleaning to do and all that Christmas fun stuff. So I'll say Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope Santa brings you everything you wish for.

I also hope you all survive without acting on the impulse to stab any annoying relatives with the turkey carving knife!!

Gotta love Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Have I turned a corner?? Maybe!

Ok, so it's only taken 4 posts for me to miss one. Oh well, it's Christmas time and I'm trying to get everything done and deal with exhausted children!!

Right now (5:30 on Tuesday evening) both of them are asleep. We haven't really stopped the last few days, the late nights have finally caught up with them!! It's going to make it hard to get them to bed tonight, but at least they are sleeping!!
It's not silent in here, dstepd is singing to herself in the loungeroom.

I haven't emailed Jarrod yet. I know I'm slack, but I'm being honest in here, it might remind me to do it. I'll be home tomorrow, so I don't have an excuse.

We had my friend's funeral today. It was nice, but they didn't talk about her life. They were going to have people come up and talk about her, but the celebrant waffled so much that there was only enough time for 2, and one of them was dstepd who started crying and talking about the cafe they would go to and my friend and her best friend would smoke and borrow lighters.
So, not much about her life, really.
It's sad to learn about someone's life once they die, but I like to hear about their path. Their achievements, their passions. I admit, my friend's passion was her children. I knew that, but I didn't really know much about before I met her. Oh, well.
I tell you what, the best thing was that the guests brought flowers to put on her coffin, instead of having a big sheath. It was absolutely gorgeous. I cried, Each flower, or bunch of flowers, was put there by someone who loved her. (She was also known for pinching cuttings from other people's gardens, so it seemed very appropriate!) The coffin and the shelf around it were covered with flowers.
I must admit I feel the same sense of love and sadness on rememberence day , when I see the flowers left at the cenotaph. I think about how each wreath represents a fallen soldier and the family left behind.
I'm getting sensitive in my old age.

I've been self destructing the last week or so (some would say several months). I bought a packet of smokes on Friday night. I do that when I'm stressed. But it's only one packet of 20s and then that's it, well til the next big stress.
It doesn't help my weightloss, though.

One of the people I saw after the funeral noticed my weightloss. Now, while they were quite impressed at my loss (I got called a "bitch", which to me is a compliment :-) ) I was still a little disappointed that I could only say that I've lost 20kg. Now, don't get me wrong, I am incredibly proud of that 20kgs. I worked hard to lose that weight. But that number has hovered for over 6 months and I'm tired of it.
So 2009 that number is going to move. I am going to plan and work to get back on the wagon, horse, track, whatever it is that gets those numbers moving again. I will not be saying "20kgs" in six months time.

Now, the slight hurdle in this is that I can't see myself smaller than this. I admit, I couldn't see myself at this weight when I started. I just blindly started and did the work.

I typed that and I could hear my own advice flooding in "Break it down to 5kg lots", "don't stress about the scales", "blindly starting again isn't a bad thing".

I want this. I want to be able to say "I've lost 40kg." The goal for 2009 is small, but I am going to lose another 20kg.

I can do this. I will do this. I will fake it til I make it, but I will make it!!

Edit:- I forgot to mention weigh in. I actually forgot yesterday morning. I had breakfast and then remembered. Oops!! So I got on the scales this morning. I'm back up to 129.1kg. I have basically undone all the good work I did for the 2 weeks at the end of October/start of November.
But it just means I have to redo it! If that has to be done 20 times, I will get there.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Did I blink and miss it?

It's Sunday night. Where on earth did the weekend go?? The beauty bit is that the weekend continues on this week!! Yay!! I don't have to rush tomorrow!! Woohoo!!

I do have on my calendar to go and do pump at 6pm. So I do have something to do tomorrow. I am also taking dstepd shopping for an outfit for her birthday. It's twofold because it will give her something nice to wear to the funeral on Tuesday. I was stumped this year. She doesn't really need anything, or what I thought of has already been bought. So it's clothes for her birthday and a new doona cover for Christmas. Wacky do!!

Anyhoo... I was a bit pissed off with Ken this morning. He refused to get up and get the girls breakfast. He carried on because I didn't get to bed until 3:30 this morning and as far as he was concerned my penance for that was to get up. He just doesn't get that regardless of what time I went to bed, at least one day a week he could get up and make their food. I do it 7 days a week!! Now, it's my choice to stay home and look after the girls. I never complain about that, in fact I feel so incredibly blessed to be in a position to be able to do it. But he is missing out on heaps with his archaic attitude that it's a woman's job. To be honest, it's just his way of being lazy. He then couldn't understand why I wouldn't talk to him for about an hour!!

He took the girls to playgroup this morning. Hmmm... I really shouldn't complain too loudly then, huh?? It would be nice to have a lie in though and not have to get them ready.
They got home in time for me to drop dstepd off for her Christmas lunch, we got the girls ready and we were off to the birthday party.

Now Ken's taken the girls off to see Christmas lights again. I'm sorry, but that's just way too many lights in one weekend!! the photos from last night were nice, but all I can see is the potential for vandalism and a huge electricity bill. Yeah, just call me Scrooge, bah humbug!!
It does give me a quiet house and uninterrupted "me" time!! I've just finished organising my photos and I'm thinking of going to bed. I'm stuffed! Four hours sleep will do that to you!!

On the diet and exercise front, I really need to look at what I am doing to myself at the moment. I am not looking after myself at all. I am shovelling whatever crap I put my hands on into my mouth and not even thinking about it. I am feeling rather shite for it too. the odd thought of "I'll get back into it after Christmas" comes into my head. I occasionally think about emailing Jarrod, the guy who set up my new eating and exercise plan for me, but then I chicken out. I have to explain why I'm not doing what I need to do. Why I've lost focus and heart. I guess if I have to explain it to him, I will explain it to myself too. Denial is so much easier to deal with. Unfortunately that's what increased the size of the mess I got myself into physically.
I don't get how I can hate myself so much that I don't care how I treat myself.
My counsellor has told me to fight the negative voices. Fight the self criticism.
Like now, when I look at my stomach and cannot imagine it not being there. Right now I cannot see myself ever reaching goal. If I keep eating the way I am, I wont get there.
I do want to change. It just feels really hard right now.
It's weigh in tomorrow. I'm guessing I'll be back to where I was 4 weeks ago. I did well the first two weeks, then self combusted.

I am on holidays now. I need to start making plans on how I'm going to change things. Again.

Back to the drawing board. And an email to Jarrod tomorrow. Things have to change.

My first change is getting a good night's sleep.


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Ok, well I am now officially on holidays, for what that's worth. We had the last swimming lesson this afternoon, which I forgot to take the teacher her Christmas present. I'll drop it in over the next few days. I forgot the Monday teacher's present too. I really have to get more organised for swimming, don't I?

But now I am free for 6 weeks!! Woohoo!! It's not really free, I just don't HAVE to go anywhere. I don't get to sleep in, but I can put a TV show on in the bedroom in the mornings and the girls and I get to relax and not rush. I love it.

Ken's taken the little ones out to go and see Christmas lights. I personally couldn't think of anything more boring. I appreciate a nice set up when I go past one, but to actively go out and seek them, Pass!! He's going with one mate tonight and another mate tomorrow night!! Madness!!
It was very cute this afternoon, though. He'd told 3yo that she had to have a nap so that she could go out tonight. She never does that for me, but for some reason Ken has a magic touch. I went grocery shopping, my usual Saturday afternoon activity, and left him to it. It was so cute to see 3yo propped up on the pillows asleep with the TV on. She slept for a good 3 hours!!

So, what did I do with my free, childless time tonight? Did I curl up with a DVD and a glass of wine? Nope!! Read a good book? Wrong again!! I sorted my chest of drawers!! Then I sorted the girl's chest of drawers. And to finish it off, I picked up all the toys and other assorted crap in the loungeroom. Oh and put a load of washing on for good measure. My house is party central on a Saturday night!! I have really enjoyed it though, getting things done without worrying about not making any noise, or not being able to put things away in the girls room cos they're asleep. I felt really motivated tonight.

I now have to wash a container of playdough toys!! Woohoo!! I can hardly contain my excitement!!

Tomorrow we have a birthday party to go to. Mcdonalds, for the 4th time in 2 months. I am not going to have any of the kids birthdays there. It's sooooo boring! Well if you don't know any of the other parents, it is! I'll be right tomorrow, I'll know 3 of them!
With the number of parties 3yo will go to over the year, one away from Maccas will probably please the parents anyway. There are only so many happy meal toys a child needs!!
3yo's birthday is at the start of the school year, so her invitations will set her up for the rest of the year. I remember the one party I had when I was at school had me invited to all their parties for the rest of the year! (1 party in 7 years!! Very sad, I know! Times have changed, that's for sure!)

I don't want to talk weightloss today, just have a look at yesterdays report, same old, same old.

I think I'll have a look at my photos now. I need to organise them on my computer, then back them up in case of a computer crash. I lost a heap on my phone a couple of years ago, including a video of one of 3yo's first attempts at walking. I wasn't happy and I don't want that to happen again!!

It's 11pm. I hope the girls aren't too exhausted by now!!
It's 1am. I am exhausted. I went scrapbooking tonight. I go to Artypants in Cranbourne. I bought the monthly pack that the shop sells. It's the first time I've bought one. I needed inspiration.

It was a blast. I got 3 pages done and had heaps left over. I need the right photos to use some of the darker pages. There is a black velvet textured page that I really want to use.
There is no crop nights until the 20th January. :-( I only go fortnightly and I'd missed the last 2 sessions through jetsetting and babysitting :-). I was disappointed when I saw that they are closed for so long, but I'm happy for them, they are moving shops and need the time to get the new store set up. They are also relaunching their website, so it's all very exciting for them for 2009.

I've had a long day. The girls woke up at 6am. 3yo was scratching her head madly. So I was up and treating her hair this morning. It shits me that people don't treat their kids hair. I check the girls hair regularly and treat at the first sign of bugs or scratching. Then I treat and comb again after 3 days. It's not rocket science. I don't get how people can let their kids scratch like 3yo was today. And she didn't have that many. I'd already treated her this week.

Anyway, enough about bugs.

We had the playgroup Christmas party this morning. It went really well. The kids had fun and the parents seemed really happy with it. The kids loved their presents. Santa visited too.

I spent the afternoon playing the memory game that 3yo got from Santa.

so that's my day. No planned exercise. Food once again not worth talking about. 2yo has her swimming lesson tomorrow and that's it, I'm on holidays. Well, the girls are on holidays, I don't ever get holidays. Not that I'm really complaining, well, maybe just a little bit. To be able to sleep through things the way hubby does would be nice. For Hubby to get up to the girls when they are trying to get into our bed instead of just commanding them back to their beds would be nice too.

I'm waffling now. I need to go to bed.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Blog number 1

Someone a while ago suggested I leave the safety of my little blog in the weight loss site I practically live in and go out into the big world to blog there. I wasn't ready. I liked where I was blogging and didn't think I should be scared out of there by nasty people who thought their opinions were above everyone else's.

It really wasn't that bad. Maybe I was just being paranoid?

I am discovering more and more that other people I know are blogging in the big wide world and now I'm thinking that maybe it would be ok to venture out and give it a go.

So here we go!

My name is Vanessa, I am a full time stay at home Mum with 2 gorgeous daughters, 3yo and 2yo. I also have a stepdaughter with developmental delay and Autistic tendencies. The three of them keep me busy. We live in Melbourne, Australia.

I have a lovely husband who, while sometimes drives me absolutely mad, is really very sweet and does his best, even if sometimes he doesn't know what that is supposed to be (It changes depending on my mood!)

So, I am 33, I have been on a weightloss journey for 13 months exactly today. I started on November 18 last year at 150.3kg. I decided that I needed to be here for my girls. I didn't want 3yo to go to school and be embarrassed by her fat mother. I have lost 22.5kg, but that progress has pretty much stagnated since June. I must admit, I haven't exactly been doing too much consistent work to reach any more goals. I have maintained this weight for 6 months, so the changes I have made so far are working. I just need to get moving again to get to the next level.

This is also an emotional journey. I believe that I am struggling at the moment with the internal battle that goes on in my head. For me to lose more weight, I will be getting into the teens. I was a bit scared of getting into the 20s, but the teens is even bigger. It means some serious work and a commitment I have never achieved in any weightloss attempt EVER!! It was quite easy to reach minigoal 5 of 124kg back in June. The changes I made, like no more butter(except for with vegemite, can't have vegemite without butter), lower fat cheese and for the most part, no more softdrink, have helped me achieve where I am. But the bad habits are sneaking back in. I am not thinking about what I am eating as much. I am not recording my food like I need to. It keeps me in perspective. I need to get my head straight if I'm going to get to the next level. No more resting on my laurels. It's terrific to lose 20kg, but I need to lose another 27.9 kilos to get to my goal weight.

I am exercising still. I am working out on Mondays, it looks like I am playing netball Tuesday morning next year. I do Body Pump Tuesday nights, Workout Wednesday morning, netball Thursday morning, running around setting up and packing up playgroup on Fridays. The weekends aren't as intense, but I do try to do something on a Sunday morning while the girls are at playgroup with their Dad.
Having said that, school holidays start on Friday, so I'll be rearranging all that for the next 2-3 weeks, no netball til February and a Christmas timetable at the Gyms until early January.

So that's me in a nutshell. Not all my blogs will be weightloss related. There is only so much I can talk about, especially if I'm not going too well.

Hopefully this blog is another change that will help me get to my goal of 99.9kg.

I'm warning, there could be a lot of waffling in these posts, but it's my blog and I'll waffle if I want to!! :-)