My Progress

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I have decided that today is "I hate food day". I hate stopping to think whether everything that goes into my mouth is "good" or "bad". I just can't be bothered.

I know this shits in the face of weightloss, but my attitude towards food swings so violently within a day, that my behaviour isn't going to make me successful right now. New years was a sucky time to try and achieve anything. I love that we are on holidays and don't HAVE to go anywhere, but Ken's home and I just want him to leave me alone for a while. I'll give you a for instance:- he hands me a paper and says he wants to download these shows. That's cool, I get on the net to have a look. He then tells me what sites I'm supposed to get on. I don't tell him I have another window opening to that page and the other ones is just play. I ask him a simple question, he answers it and then goes on to tell me what to do! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!

As you can see, I've missed some medication. I remembered again yesterday. A 28 pack of tablets that I'm supposed to take every day lasted me 2 months. That's not good! I've tried the alarm. It goes off while I'm doing something else, I turn it off and think "I'll do it in a minute", then forget!

I've lost the USB cable for my phone. NOT HAPPY!! (Gee, I'm yelling a lot tonight!) It's probably with the landline handset that has been missing for over a week!! Just as well my head is attached, because I'd probably lose that too!!

I feel angry, I don't know exactly what at, but I'm tired, angry and feel like just lashing out. Too much bad shit has been happening lately and I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I am feeling out of control, I'm still just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get through the day.

I use my computer as an avoidance technique. If I'm staring at the screen, I don't see what needs to be done around me and I can pretend it's not there. If I'm staring at the screen, I can ignore the time and it's the computer's fault that I don't get enough sleep. I have important things to do on the computer, so I don't have time to pick up the toys, get a load of washing on or do the dishes. Past the kid's bedtime? That's the computer's fault.

I was supposed to spend some time with Ken tonight, instead I am at the computer. How stupid is that??

I am turning the computer off now. Well, I might. I tend to say that and then get distracted with CK or Facebook, or checking my ever important spam.

Yeah, technology is a real time saver, huh??

No comments:

Post a Comment