My Progress

Friday, September 30, 2011

PMS sucks!!

I know what it is. Everything that anyone says that can be twisted, gets twisted. I once almost burst into tears because my hubby wanted his scrambled eggs cooked a bit more. Apparently I couldn't even get that right!
Tonight it was a comment from a friend. She'd rung the day before her payday and needed to grab some two minute noodles to feed her kids. I did my usual mock indignation that she would want to get something so expensive and joked that I'd have to put a Woolworths sign on my house. She laughed and said she'd replace them when they went shopping the next day, which they did. No biggy
Tonight they had been given a heap of bread and fruit and gave me a couple of loaves and a bag of fruit. As I was leaving we joked that she should put Coles on the front of her house cos I've already got Woolies. She said "and we don't want those replaced".
Well, have I been stewing on it. It is stupid. It was a joke. I need to pull my head in and not blow this up out of all proportion, but my hormones are causing me to explode at stupid shit and I feel like it's too hard to take a breath and count to 10.
My Stepdaughter is here for the weekend too. She needs to up her medication, so she's manic and repetitive and annoying and I think I am going to need to escape before I try to strangle her. I'm guessing by Saturday night I'll be hiding in my room. We have to wait until she sees a psychiatrist before we can officially up it, but her mum has put it up a small amount just to try and settle her down a bit. She's not coping at all. Hence the more hell than usual.

I feel like an emotional yoyo. One day I'm happy and excited and motivated, the next it's all I can do to get out of bed! Right now I am tired and my head is thinking of all the negative things in my life. I need to get a job, we are going to run out of money, purely because I have no money skills. I have a house that's a pigsty and will never get it clean. I am so lazy, I never get off my arse to get anything done. My friends are not my friends, nobody loves me, I'm all alone and can't talk to anyone about it. I am a horrible person and all these things prove it.

Now, the last counsellor I saw told me to imagine a big negativity switch and I had to visualise myself turning the switch off. Great theory, but in the middle of it all, it's a big crock of shit! When I'm feeling a little stronger, I use the virtual shoebox, where I take the negative thoughts, particularly the ones that appear in the middle of the night, and put them in the shoe box to deal with the next day. More often than not, I completely forget what I was stressing about the night before. If it was a real shoebox, it would be chockers!!
So, now I'll just try to remember to breathe, talk myself off the ledge and maybe just go and take my medication.

Til next time,

Monday, September 12, 2011

The last week has been emotional, tiring, rewarding and enfuriating.

A couple of my friends lost loved ones last week. One a grandmother, the other a father. I went to one of the funerals on Friday. I knew the dad and he was a lovely man. The funeral was a lovely service and a fitting farewell to him. My friend held up well during the service.
On Saturday and Sunday I helped a friend move house. I didn't stop all weekend. Sunday morning my muscles were screaming at me! I'm still a little sore, but better than I was then! It was a huge job!
Monday I went bowling. Didn't get a single average. :-( Oh well. We still won, thanks to my partner.
I was heading off to lunch and I drove past the optometrist, which reminded me that my 6yo had an appointment this afternoon! I rang to double check. Yep. I had an hour and a half! So, it was a quick lunch, pass the shopping list onto hubby and off again!

I got home and found a letter from the council. Apparently someone has complained about our dogs barking. I know exactly who it was. The same people who told the council about the caravan in our backyard. The people who have moved in with one of my neighbours. After 10 years of peace, they have moved in, taken over and done nothing but whinge about us since. The fact that I blew up at one of them and have barely spoken to them since could be a small issue. I just wish they would fuck off!! But they wont. :-(

It was the final straw today. I just went to bed. I couldn't face any more. I didn't want to deal with the my poor children. I didn't want to talk about the dogs. I just wanted to hide. The friend I helped move called me and helped me see that I couldn't let them win. I was about to put a for sale sign up and get away from here. The dogs were getting taken to the pound. The boarder in the backyard was getting evicted. I was fleeing! But she helped me see sense. I finally got out of bed again, walked into the loungeroom and saw my 6yo cuddling our girl puppy and I knew she wasn't going anywhere.

so, I guess it's time to take them to obedience training!

I still hate my neighbours.

Til next time,