My Progress

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Ok, so I get onto my blog to have a think about posting and I notice that I haven't updated my weight in over 80 days. This means that I haven't lost any more weight since the 9th April. That is a smidge under 3 months. I decided to do an official weigh in to see if things were bad at all. 107.5kg. Not ideal, but I was expecting to have snuck up to 110kg, so I am happy to have stayed where I am.

I am exhausted tonight. I took my kids to the snow today. We had a ball, but it was a long day. I am now really, really tired.
So, what do I do, instead of going to bed when tired? I open a packet of double coat timtams and start shooting them with coffee. Idiot. I am now feeling sick as well as tired.
I am writing this here because I feel like I am stagnant and I need to start expressing myself and how I have been treating myself so badly.
I am still smoking. I stop again and again, then start, again and again and again.
I have managed to get out for a walk this week. As well as the energy expended to walk to Mount Donna Buang today definitely counts. But I am so tired all the time. I feel so out of control and paralysed by everything. eating, exercising, even cleaning the house. I spend so much time staring at the computer. It is my way of avoiding everything. If I'm playing Frontierville, nothing else exists, or matters, cos I can't see it.

I know that only I can change all these things. The paralysis is psychosomatic. I just have to work out how to get movement again. And permanent movement, not some big effort that fizzles out in a few days.

Why can't I just be happy? Other people do it. It's not that hard, surely? I am so lucky, so why am I so blah?

Til next time,


  1. Take care Ness. Sounds like there is something more underlying you need to work on. Are you still seeing your counsellor? May be time to start working through the "other stuff". You knew the sleeve was only a tool, you need to look after all of you for the food stuff and the smoking to be settled down.

    Take care and try and check in more often.

  2. Ness pity I am in berwick because I thinking of re-starting again. I was thinking of somewhere such as contours just a gentle way to get back into it. It would be good to have a gym buddy but I do not think there anything half way between us.

    Just an idea