Mood swings aint in it!!

I had an awesome weekend. I went to the World Vegan Day festival on Sunday. It was amazing! Incredibly busy. They didn't expect the crowds that came. There was a fantastic array of food, amazing causes and charities to help animals, cruelty free cosmetics and soaps and  there were stalls advertising Vegan Superannuation and life insurance. I had a really good talk with some of the stallholders.

This is Leo. He is the mascot of Humane Research Australia His story is here. http://www.humaneresearch.org.au/campaigns/Leos_story
I couldn't resist getting one for each of my girls. Especially once I'd read his story.

I felt a little foolish and naive at one point. There was a stall about stopping Rabbit farming. I asked my friend why would they farm Rabbits? She replied "do you eat rabbit". No, I do not eat Bug Bunny. I see them as either someone's pet or the wild ones that plague the small farms down the road from us. I do not see them as food. Apparently I ate it once when I was really little. Dad made a rabbit stew and my family didn't tell me. But it was awful, so the joke was on them. !!

I only felt judged once. I was talking to a stall holder about my fussy eater and we were talking about options. He asked if she ate Mashed potato. I replied no, she didn't "what kid doesn't like mashed potato?" The woman working on the stall turned to me and said "one who doesn't want starchy carbs" WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?! I just looked at her. What 7 year old would know what starchy carbs are???
But then the guys asked if we have tried sweet potato. I replied "yes, that's all we have". HA! Suck shit, judgemental bitch! We don't give our kids starchy carbs! Well... at least not potato, don't ask about pasta. :)

So, I've come home with so much information and so many pamphlets to go through. I want to implement some changes, but I am going to have to do it very slowly so the kids and Hubby don't freak out too much.


So, I got home from the Festival, after spending some lovely time at my friend's house.

That night I found myself feeling very positive and focused. I decided that I want to have a big 40th blowout and I'm hoping that I can organise for Ken and I to renew our wedding vows, as my birthday is our wedding anniversary. I started researching the best date, checking for Easter and school holidays. We also want to got to Adelaide that year, he can go to the supercars race, the girls and I can go to the Adelaide Fringe Festival. I looked at how to get rid of our credit card first and have enough money to do all this in 18 months. I finished the weekend feeling great and deciding that I would keep working at my job and remind myself every day I have a goal to achieve!!

I lasted 1 and a half days...

I got hauled in the office and was told that my negative comments were not appreciated. All because while the boss was barking at us to hurry up and get started, I happened to murmer that "we don't get paid until 7 o'clock". If only they could hear what is said when they are not around! What I said is nothing!! That place is toxic.
I finished the day in a better mood. I realised that it's not me that creates this negative feeling. When one of the bigger bosses makes a crack about people taking too much time off, it shows where the negativity comes from.
So, for now, I keep plodding along, but there has to be something better out there. I am torn between just resigning and taking the risk of finding something else, or keeping at it and trying to find something that fits better, with supervisors that treat us like real people. Of course, there are my huge plans to consider too. How do I finance them without a job?

Til next time
Ness.

Meh...

Plot is gone. I took today off work as I had nearly no sleep all night, so was exhausted and my back was killing me! I went to the physio tonight and had it looked at.
But all day I ate. Grazing wasn't in it! It was whatever I could get my hands on, slowly consumed all day.

I am in a hole and I don't really feel strong enough to claw my way out at the moment. I feel powerless to know how to change my career, I feel hopeless. I am still not smoking, but I don't have the coping strategies at the front of my mind to deal with my emotions with anything else but feeling miserable and eating.

Hopefully tonight I'll get a good night's sleep and I can get back on track tomorrow.

Til Next time,
Ness.

Change has to be slow or I'll crash and burn...

So, I got on the scales this morning and my weight gain has hit 5kg. Not happy.
I've begun to look at things I can change to improve my health. I have reduced my breakfast from 3 pieces of toast to 2. I was finding I would end up with stomach cramps in the morning. And just because I can eat 3, doesn't mean I should. I am finding I am fine until tea break now.
I have also cut out sugar in my coffee. It's something that Hubby has said I should do for a long time. I am drinking it weak at the moment and it's been good.
So, that's been this week's changes. I am still working on drinking more water, but that's up and down, as usual. I have to get my head around drinking more. I have the problem that I have been told with the smaller stomach that I shouldn't drink within a certain time before or after food. That's great, if I could sip water while I was working, but I'm not allowed. So, I have to take in fluids in my breaks. On that directive, I can eat, or I can drink. So I ignore it and have a bit of both. I used to have my yoghurt and muesli at tea break, but I've moved that to lunch and have a piece of fruit, a cheese and bikkies and as much water as I can at tea break.

My main stumbling block is eating when I'm at home. Whether it's night time, after work or on my days off. I'm eating more than I should. I can graze and that's not a good thing. I know a lot of it is boredom. I will look at that later, but for now I will just keep these changes going and make them stick.

I just feel so yuk! I know I'm not back to where I was, but I look at my stomach (where the weight has gone to) and it's hard not to feel that I've undone it all. My bypass wont let me back to square one, but I'm not feeling too much like a success at the moment.

Til Next Time,
Ness