I either bravely, or stupidly, got on the scales this morning. I know I've been doing nothing to improve things, so I knew the number wouldn't be good. 100.7kg. I am back in triple figures. Denial got me to this point.
I have made a small change. Yesterday I decided to not drink coffee any more. It means I've had a headache for the last two days. But it also has changed how I eat. I found if I drank coffee while eating, I could eat more. It helped me get far more food in. 4 slices of toast at one sitting is way too much. And I was doing this for breakfast AND supper.
I logged my food today. According to Calorieking.com.au, I've exceeded my daily intake by 664 calories. That should stress me out, but I haven't been logging it, so God knows what I've been exceeding it by lately.
I'm exhausted. I'm guessing the lack of caffeine is doing it. Once I get over the caffeine withdrawal, I will look at doing some exercise. But for now, I'll just sleep and take nurofen. And keep trying to get more water in. Always my downfall.
Til Next Time,
Ness.
My Progress
Monday, January 13, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
I have opened this page so many times. I have started writing and then deleted it all. "Why bother" "Who am I talking to?" "Nobody wants to hear the whining of someone who isn't prepared to get off their arse and fix their situation". "Why do I keep going in circles?" "All talk, no action".
When I'm feeling strong, this is my blog and I don't care who doesn't like what I write. But I guess at the moment I don't like what I'm writing and I'm my toughest critic.
I'm pushing my stomach to the limit. I'm eating more than I've ever eaten before. I managed to eat a whole large pizza. When I had my sleeve, 2 slices had be bursting. Granted, it was over a couple of hours, but still, I hate that the bypass doesn't give me the restriction that my sleeve gave me.
I am seeing a dietician at the end of the month. My surgeon wants me to go and see her. I'm interested to see what she has to say. She apparently has some expertise with weightloss surgery. Hopefully it's more than just with lapband surgery, like everything seemed to be when I first had my sleeve surgery.
Tonight I made custard. I bought a box of powder to make the trifle for boxing day. I've now gotten a little obsessed with making it, especially as it's so easy to make in the microwave. I'm the only one who'll eat it.
I feel a little better tonight. I made chocolate, with a tablespoon of cocoa. I poured it over tinned pears. So good. And I could only eat half of it. I'd had enough. Silly thing to be happy about, having any of it isn't really going to help my health. I've just been craving sugar all week. I know it's boredom eating, otherwise anything would have done.And it always happens in the evening. I've become more acutely aware of it as we are broke and recovering from Christmas, so there were only the essentials bought for the last fortnight. I've been searching for options to have. But there has not been anything that was easy at hand.
So, what am I going to do to help myself? I don't know. I've pretty much shut myself away for the last week or so. Broke, feeling down, I've pretty much just eaten, slept, read books and got on Facebook a little. Not as much. I deleted most of the time zapping games. I was spending hours on them with no sign of ever catching up!
I've got to get out of my head and back into the world. I've got to start looking after myself. Why is that so hard to do?
I've quit smoking again. Being broke helped that, but I know I needed to do it. The girls were hassling me to quit again. It's really another reason I've been hiding away. It's easier to stay away from them if I'm away from the other people who do it.
Well, before I decide to delete all this, I'm going to go and click publish.
I'm struggling, there's no magic cure for that.
Til next time,
Ness.
When I'm feeling strong, this is my blog and I don't care who doesn't like what I write. But I guess at the moment I don't like what I'm writing and I'm my toughest critic.
I'm pushing my stomach to the limit. I'm eating more than I've ever eaten before. I managed to eat a whole large pizza. When I had my sleeve, 2 slices had be bursting. Granted, it was over a couple of hours, but still, I hate that the bypass doesn't give me the restriction that my sleeve gave me.
I am seeing a dietician at the end of the month. My surgeon wants me to go and see her. I'm interested to see what she has to say. She apparently has some expertise with weightloss surgery. Hopefully it's more than just with lapband surgery, like everything seemed to be when I first had my sleeve surgery.
Tonight I made custard. I bought a box of powder to make the trifle for boxing day. I've now gotten a little obsessed with making it, especially as it's so easy to make in the microwave. I'm the only one who'll eat it.
I feel a little better tonight. I made chocolate, with a tablespoon of cocoa. I poured it over tinned pears. So good. And I could only eat half of it. I'd had enough. Silly thing to be happy about, having any of it isn't really going to help my health. I've just been craving sugar all week. I know it's boredom eating, otherwise anything would have done.And it always happens in the evening. I've become more acutely aware of it as we are broke and recovering from Christmas, so there were only the essentials bought for the last fortnight. I've been searching for options to have. But there has not been anything that was easy at hand.
So, what am I going to do to help myself? I don't know. I've pretty much shut myself away for the last week or so. Broke, feeling down, I've pretty much just eaten, slept, read books and got on Facebook a little. Not as much. I deleted most of the time zapping games. I was spending hours on them with no sign of ever catching up!
I've got to get out of my head and back into the world. I've got to start looking after myself. Why is that so hard to do?
I've quit smoking again. Being broke helped that, but I know I needed to do it. The girls were hassling me to quit again. It's really another reason I've been hiding away. It's easier to stay away from them if I'm away from the other people who do it.
Well, before I decide to delete all this, I'm going to go and click publish.
I'm struggling, there's no magic cure for that.
Til next time,
Ness.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Mood swings aint in it!!
I had an awesome weekend. I went to the World Vegan Day festival on Sunday. It was amazing! Incredibly busy. They didn't expect the crowds that came. There was a fantastic array of food, amazing causes and charities to help animals, cruelty free cosmetics and soaps and there were stalls advertising Vegan Superannuation and life insurance. I had a really good talk with some of the stallholders.
This is Leo. He is the mascot of Humane Research Australia His story is here. http://www.humaneresearch.org.au/campaigns/Leos_story
I couldn't resist getting one for each of my girls. Especially once I'd read his story.
I felt a little foolish and naive at one point. There was a stall about stopping Rabbit farming. I asked my friend why would they farm Rabbits? She replied "do you eat rabbit". No, I do not eat Bug Bunny. I see them as either someone's pet or the wild ones that plague the small farms down the road from us. I do not see them as food. Apparently I ate it once when I was really little. Dad made a rabbit stew and my family didn't tell me. But it was awful, so the joke was on them. !!
I only felt judged once. I was talking to a stall holder about my fussy eater and we were talking about options. He asked if she ate Mashed potato. I replied no, she didn't "what kid doesn't like mashed potato?" The woman working on the stall turned to me and said "one who doesn't want starchy carbs" WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?! I just looked at her. What 7 year old would know what starchy carbs are???
But then the guys asked if we have tried sweet potato. I replied "yes, that's all we have". HA! Suck shit, judgemental bitch! We don't give our kids starchy carbs! Well... at least not potato, don't ask about pasta. :)
So, I've come home with so much information and so many pamphlets to go through. I want to implement some changes, but I am going to have to do it very slowly so the kids and Hubby don't freak out too much.
So, I got home from the Festival, after spending some lovely time at my friend's house.
That night I found myself feeling very positive and focused. I decided that I want to have a big 40th blowout and I'm hoping that I can organise for Ken and I to renew our wedding vows, as my birthday is our wedding anniversary. I started researching the best date, checking for Easter and school holidays. We also want to got to Adelaide that year, he can go to the supercars race, the girls and I can go to the Adelaide Fringe Festival. I looked at how to get rid of our credit card first and have enough money to do all this in 18 months. I finished the weekend feeling great and deciding that I would keep working at my job and remind myself every day I have a goal to achieve!!
I lasted 1 and a half days...
I got hauled in the office and was told that my negative comments were not appreciated. All because while the boss was barking at us to hurry up and get started, I happened to murmer that "we don't get paid until 7 o'clock". If only they could hear what is said when they are not around! What I said is nothing!! That place is toxic.
I finished the day in a better mood. I realised that it's not me that creates this negative feeling. When one of the bigger bosses makes a crack about people taking too much time off, it shows where the negativity comes from.
So, for now, I keep plodding along, but there has to be something better out there. I am torn between just resigning and taking the risk of finding something else, or keeping at it and trying to find something that fits better, with supervisors that treat us like real people. Of course, there are my huge plans to consider too. How do I finance them without a job?
Til next time
Ness.
This is Leo. He is the mascot of Humane Research Australia His story is here. http://www.humaneresearch.org.au/campaigns/Leos_story
I couldn't resist getting one for each of my girls. Especially once I'd read his story.
I felt a little foolish and naive at one point. There was a stall about stopping Rabbit farming. I asked my friend why would they farm Rabbits? She replied "do you eat rabbit". No, I do not eat Bug Bunny. I see them as either someone's pet or the wild ones that plague the small farms down the road from us. I do not see them as food. Apparently I ate it once when I was really little. Dad made a rabbit stew and my family didn't tell me. But it was awful, so the joke was on them. !!
I only felt judged once. I was talking to a stall holder about my fussy eater and we were talking about options. He asked if she ate Mashed potato. I replied no, she didn't "what kid doesn't like mashed potato?" The woman working on the stall turned to me and said "one who doesn't want starchy carbs" WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?! I just looked at her. What 7 year old would know what starchy carbs are???
But then the guys asked if we have tried sweet potato. I replied "yes, that's all we have". HA! Suck shit, judgemental bitch! We don't give our kids starchy carbs! Well... at least not potato, don't ask about pasta. :)
So, I've come home with so much information and so many pamphlets to go through. I want to implement some changes, but I am going to have to do it very slowly so the kids and Hubby don't freak out too much.
So, I got home from the Festival, after spending some lovely time at my friend's house.
That night I found myself feeling very positive and focused. I decided that I want to have a big 40th blowout and I'm hoping that I can organise for Ken and I to renew our wedding vows, as my birthday is our wedding anniversary. I started researching the best date, checking for Easter and school holidays. We also want to got to Adelaide that year, he can go to the supercars race, the girls and I can go to the Adelaide Fringe Festival. I looked at how to get rid of our credit card first and have enough money to do all this in 18 months. I finished the weekend feeling great and deciding that I would keep working at my job and remind myself every day I have a goal to achieve!!
I lasted 1 and a half days...
I got hauled in the office and was told that my negative comments were not appreciated. All because while the boss was barking at us to hurry up and get started, I happened to murmer that "we don't get paid until 7 o'clock". If only they could hear what is said when they are not around! What I said is nothing!! That place is toxic.
I finished the day in a better mood. I realised that it's not me that creates this negative feeling. When one of the bigger bosses makes a crack about people taking too much time off, it shows where the negativity comes from.
So, for now, I keep plodding along, but there has to be something better out there. I am torn between just resigning and taking the risk of finding something else, or keeping at it and trying to find something that fits better, with supervisors that treat us like real people. Of course, there are my huge plans to consider too. How do I finance them without a job?
Til next time
Ness.
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