Happy New Year!! Was gonna blog, but I'm too tired now. It's 2009!! 2008 disappeared like a flash!!

I have decided that today is "I hate food day". I hate stopping to think whether everything that goes into my mouth is "good" or "bad". I just can't be bothered.

I know this shits in the face of weightloss, but my attitude towards food swings so violently within a day, that my behaviour isn't going to make me successful right now. New years was a sucky time to try and achieve anything. I love that we are on holidays and don't HAVE to go anywhere, but Ken's home and I just want him to leave me alone for a while. I'll give you a for instance:- he hands me a paper and says he wants to download these shows. That's cool, I get on the net to have a look. He then tells me what sites I'm supposed to get on. I don't tell him I have another window opening to that page and the other ones is just play. I ask him a simple question, he answers it and then goes on to tell me what to do! JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!

As you can see, I've missed some medication. I remembered again yesterday. A 28 pack of tablets that I'm supposed to take every day lasted me 2 months. That's not good! I've tried the alarm. It goes off while I'm doing something else, I turn it off and think "I'll do it in a minute", then forget!

I've lost the USB cable for my phone. NOT HAPPY!! (Gee, I'm yelling a lot tonight!) It's probably with the landline handset that has been missing for over a week!! Just as well my head is attached, because I'd probably lose that too!!

I feel angry, I don't know exactly what at, but I'm tired, angry and feel like just lashing out. Too much bad shit has been happening lately and I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I am feeling out of control, I'm still just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to get through the day.

I use my computer as an avoidance technique. If I'm staring at the screen, I don't see what needs to be done around me and I can pretend it's not there. If I'm staring at the screen, I can ignore the time and it's the computer's fault that I don't get enough sleep. I have important things to do on the computer, so I don't have time to pick up the toys, get a load of washing on or do the dishes. Past the kid's bedtime? That's the computer's fault.

I was supposed to spend some time with Ken tonight, instead I am at the computer. How stupid is that??

I am turning the computer off now. Well, I might. I tend to say that and then get distracted with CK or Facebook, or checking my ever important spam.

Yeah, technology is a real time saver, huh??

Ok, well nothing exciting happened, unless you count 3yo throwing up!! She was complaining she wasn't feeling well, so I had her sitting quietly watching Bananas in Pyjamas. She picked up once she got it out!! :-I It's very rare for my kids to be sick. Even when they were babies, they very rarely chucked.

Anyway, that was the most that happened today. I tidied my desk, sort of. I've lost one of the cordless handsets and the other one is playing up. I've only lost it in the last couple of weeks, but it's disappeared. The only place I haven't checked is Dstepd's room. Maybe I left it in there when I put her bed up.

Well, that's about it. I am very ready for Dstepd to go back to her mother, she is giving me the shits!! She's back there for a couple of days! Yay!

I'm off to watch "A very Specky Christmas". I taped it last week. Then I think it's off to bed.