Ok, it's been an interesting weekend for me. I pigged out so bad on Saturday night. I mean, really badly. Yet I still didn't feel really full. I had a slight uncomfortable feeling, but not the whole "oh my God, what have I done?" I decided to write down my feelings. I was eating because I saw my Mother on Christmas day. My logical mind was over it, but that little girl who only wants Mummy's approval was obviously still hurting. I'd gone back to old habits, in a big way. slices and slices of toast. Whatever I could put my hands on. I didn't care, it was food.

I had a chat to myself and realised that she was no excuse for doing this and the only person who is going to stop me from self destructing is me. I have no guardian angel to pick me up when I fall, well not in the human world , anyway. I had withdrawn from my support network on CK, I wasn't logging my food, so I was back in denial.

It was the first time writing things down changed me, other than calming me down when I was spitting acid!

I'm talking about my perception changing. Being able to change things. Change the way I look at things. I sat down and started planning my food for Sunday and Monday. I didn't count the calories, well when it's white meat and Green Veg, I don't think it's worth worrying about!

I got up Sunday morning and had my porridge. Ate an apple on the way to the gym, a banana afterwards (no extra protein as I didn't have my powder yet.)

Lunch was tuna salad, forgot the brown rice until I was driving home in the afternoon. I thought something was missing!

I felt hungry all day, but I tend to do that on the first day. I didn't eat completely properly, but even if I did, I probably would have still felt hungry as I'm sure it's my stomach shrinking back to where it's supposed to be. It gets easier.

I've also decided that I am no longer hopping on and off the bandwagon.

I will do this journey on a Harley Fatboy!

Today was much better. I bought the protein powder last night. It tastes really nice, although I've only had it as a banana smoothie.

I guess I thought it would be this miracle stuff that would make me feel full. It didn't. I'm not quite sure if it's really the stuff for me. I'll keep going for now, cos I need to follow a plan. I am so impressed with the last two days. Although, I must say, it got to tea time tonight and I could not be fagged stirfrying veggies like I had planned. So I cooked a packet of frozen Veg in the microwave. I had veggies that weren't green... It was still like only 100 calories. I'm not quite sure what the whole "green veg" thing is. I'll be back onto it tomorrow. It's been a long day today.

I had to go out and get some photocopying done. I came home, cut those 300 odd pages in half, then dstepd and I went out for an hour walking to deliver some of them. I realised this is too difficult a job on foot, as the suburb we are delivering to has very large blocks, we're talking acreage! So I went out tonight for another hour on the bike to deliver more.

That was after taking the girls to Australia Day celebrations, which were absolutely fantastic! Jumping castles, facepainting, gingerbread Australia painting, Bands and dancers, painting, mini golf, a petting zoo and a puppet show ALL FREE!! They were raising funds for a local hospital, but we didn't have to spend a cent, unless we wanted sausages or softdrink, but even when we went to buy the sausages, they gave us 2 sausages per slice of bread for $2! Crazy!

The girls enjoying the puppet show! There was lots of singing and dancing and the girls learned a little about this guy called "Jesus" and a book called "The Bible". Or it went over their heads and were just fun stories and songs!

So now I sit here with sore legs and the promise of having to deliver more flyers tomorrow. I think a good night's sleep is in order!

Right now I'm feeling really good about losing weight, really positive.