My Progress

Friday, January 16, 2009

Why am I constantly tired and miserable. I must be the most boring diarist on the whole web. It's always "poor me, why am I so tired, I'm putting on weight, I'm eating too much" Well, all those things are related, so the sooner I get off my sorry arse and start behaving myself foodwise, the quicker all those problems will settle down.

Now, as for Amy, well basically she's my inner child, or brat! One of the Flylady emails led me to . It seems very basic at the moment, but it's about recognising the inner child and not letting him or her win all the time.
One of the tips was to name your inner brat. So mine is Amy. Anyone who watches All Saints- Frank's niece!! Turns out it was a bit harsh calling a part of myself after her, because I can't stand that character. Really hate her, but she was the most brattish character I could think of. My counsellor asked me if I identified myself in her.
It kind of stopped me in my tracks. Do I really think the "bad" side of me is really that bad? Maybe I do. Maybe the things I do wrong are so terrible that I can't stand it. I always say I can't lie, people can see it straight away. But do I lie to myself?? In what way?? Hmmm... that I'll get back on the wagon, there's no rush. At the moment I have thought's of "what's the point?" I really feel that hopeless at the moment. Like I can't do it. Like I just don't want to do it. It is so much easier to sit in front of the computer and ignore everything else that is going on. The housework that isn't getting done, the exercise that isn't getting done. Oops, it's too late to go out now, the gym will be closing/the sun is going down. I'll do it tomorrow. I'm lying to myself and I'm cheating myself.

But stupidly I'm just going along with it.

Much to ponder at the moment. I'm hoping for a long walk along the beach on Sunday.


  1. mmmm, I checked out that brat thing and it would appear I'm a bit of a brat too! LOL The only brat name I can think of is my daughter! LOL But I'm sure she would take offense - who cares! I'm Georgia then :) Ness, keep talking, get it all out.... It will happen when you are truly ready.... trust me. I've been exactly in the place you are now. Took me to 46 before something finally "clicked" in my head and so far so good. I've had my rollercoaster rides....***hugs*** xoxoxoxo

  2. The Amy thing makes sense. A lot of sense actually. I am going to look into that myself.

    You are not the most boring diarist. If you were none of us would read you. You are having a tough time right now, so what. We all do. But the way to get through it is to do exactly what you are doing - write it down, identify it, and constantly come up with strategies to deal with it. Just because you haven't found your strategy yet doesn't mean you won't, it just means it is taking longer than expected. You will get there Ness. Believe in yourself. I belive in you.